SAREGAMAPA challenge 2007....sangeet ka pratham vishwa yudh....!!!
The show which has given innumerable voices to the film industry before has this time come with something called the WORLD CUP OF SANGEET.....(our fantasy of the worldcup has surpassed cricket and is right now into music thanks to our well sponsered cricketers..!!)
Agreed that the singers are damn good and are from different parts of the globe.Agreed that listening to some of them we are taken to a completely different world all together.Accepted that the girls in the show are CHIC to say the least,and Mussarat Abbas,Raja Hassan and Amanat Ali are my favorites. BUT.....BUT......what about our esteemed GURUS......the EGOISTICAL SKEPTICAL CYNICAL MISOGYNISTIC JUDGES...!??(synonyms for egoist was got from thesaurus.com :P)

Judge 1. ISAMIL DARBAR ji













Hmm......did you find the connection between these two pictures..?? Yes it is true....!! Droopy the dog and Mr.Darbar were long lost brothers of foster fathers ho were lost in the kumbh mela 20 years ago and were reunited when they saw each other in the Gynecology Section of K.R.Hospital when both had been there to be tested for a problem with their respective Prostrates.....!!!

Judge 2. Himesh Bhaaaaaaaai.....












"Where there is faith....there is no fear...." Ever Missed the CONSTIPATED LOOK of Himesh Bhaaaaaaaaai...!?? There is an ample show of waxed chest, The CONSTIPATED LOOK and his male clevage in this show....and also his OUTBURSTS in chaste english against the other GURUS....

Judge 3. BAPPI DA


Would you like to see a oversized Bean bag decorated with all of Gulf's gold.....!?? Here it is.....the ever YELLOW Bappi Lahari.......!! He forms the missing DA in saregamapa.........!!!

Judge 4. Vishal and Shekhar


The most CIVILIZED of the lot, this pair is value for money. BUT...Vishal is partially deaf and can hear only through his right ear...(see the pic....observe the headphone...!!) and is a big loafer who knows the art of whistling....
The Mr.CUTE (sigh...sigh....sigh...and another sigh...) of the lot...Shekhar is now the crush of a million desperate...foolish immature college going girls.

Last but not the least...how can we forget MR.ADITYA NARYAN himself.....THE HOST..!!!??

The THE HUNK...(read SKUNK) of the show....With his idiotic and over the size sunglasses...to the 2 stands of hair he has painted on his chin...this GUY has managed to get kissed by a girl on the show...(sigh...sigh....sigh...sigh...and another sigh..!!) and is considered the next STAR according to HIMESH BHAAIIIII....
Finally...I am soooooo jobless that I have started to blog about Tv shows too...!!

10 things a man/would be man realises after remaining unshaven for 4 months......

# He suddenly feels important as everyone tells him to have a shave....

# Everyone stares at him for a minute longer than they should which makes him wonder whether he is unzipped or not...

# His people think that some girl has ditched him...

# A girl from another country comes forward to sponsor him for his shave after looking at his pic on orkut...!!(the girl knows who she is...!!)

#His 5 year old cousin thinks that he is older than her father...

#If he wears a cap,people brand him as HIMESH RESHAMIYA and ask wether even he has his chest waxed as Himesh and whether he will show his MALE CLEVAGE in future...!!!

#He is asked whether he is related to KAFEEL AHAMED after the Glasgow bombings...

#The invigilator in a exam hall looks at the picture in the hall ticket and him 3 times before putting his signature on the exam booklet......

# The topic of conversation on the dining table invariably turns to his beard everytime he sits down to eat...

#He is thinking of starting a community on orkut which goes as "A community against atrocities against bearded men and a fight against branding them as DEVDAS......!!"

................................................
"i missed you"
There was a pause.Then Tariq turned to her with a half grinning,half grimacing look of distaste,"what is the matter with you?"
How many times had she,Hasina and Giti said those same three words to each other,Laila wondered,said it without hesitation,after only two or three days of not seeing each other? "I missed you,Hasina.Oh,I missed you too."In Tariq's grimace,Laila learned that boys differ from girls in this regard.They didn't make a show of friendship.They felt no urge,no need,for this sort of talk.Laila imagined it had been this way for her brothers too.Boys,Laila came to see,treated friendship the way they treated the sun:its existence undisputed;its radiance best enjoyed,not beheld directly.
"i was trying to annoy you," she said.
he gave her a sidelong glance."It worked".
But she thought his grimace softened.And she thought that maybe the sunburn on his cheeks deepened momentarily.
(This is an excerpt from the book " A 1000 Splendid Suns". Hope the READERS read it..!!)

Hmm............

Some of the most beautiful things in this world...are often lost in translation...
GHAZAL is described in Arabic as "a conversation with a woman...".....It took me a long time to understand what a ghazal was.....because it took me a long time to know who the woman was.....!!!

BAN THIS.....!!!



For people who don't know what noodles is, read this.
Agreed that instant NOODLES is the greatest invention of the century for many people living alone all over the world. Agreed that even though you might hate it....absolutely loathe the sickening smell of it..or its greasy mass.....every Indian born after 1980 will have had it to fill his or her belly once or twice.For most Indians MAGGI is the only form of noodles we know and consume(much to the distaste of adults..!!) BUT....NESTLE SHOULD NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF EMPTY TEENAGE/MID 20's BELLYS.........!!!
Their latest offering....MAGGI DAL ATTA NOODLES.........(Y-U-C-K). Circumcise the person who had the idea of mixing SAMBAR(as in idly-sambar) with noodles.....!!!The inventor of this DISH must have been sodomized in his childhood in a flour mill in remote south china which must have been producing sambar powder.....!!He has taken all his wrath on poor souls like me.....!!! The thought of noodles smelling of sambar is soooooooooooo disgusting that it makes you puke and drink it down...!! It tastes like VATSHAMIGE(a sort of desi noodles) mixed with century old sambar powder topped with foul smelling rotten dal....!!! It looks like a century old dinosaur dropping which has been garnished with a few lentils......P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C....!! Nestle's idea of CHINO-CHENNIAO cuisine is blatantly disastrous and un-digestable.Readers(if any) please dont waste your money on this blasphemy.....!!!

The Chronicles of a 21year Old Car Learner....
What does a jobless/hopeless un-shaven un-haircutted (save the lingo...!!) 21 year old guy do on a fine sunny sunday morning.......!?? He is dragged away to learn how to drive a car........!!
It is supposedly supposed to be Un-manly and GAY not knowing how to drive a car being 21....!! Kids today know how to deive a 4 wheeler....so why should a MAN OF THE HOUSE not learn....!!??
So thus began EXPERIMENTS WITH TRUTH between me and Mr.Henry Fords creation...

Day 1,Scene1:The first TRUTH....
My father explains the difference between an accelerator and a clutch and how to release them simultaneously....For god's sake.... I have been driving a 2 wheeler for the past 7-8 years and know the damn difference between a clutch and an accelerator...!!! As I have taken a vow of not arguing with others,I keep mum and listen to all the "INSTRUCTIONS".Ok, now the car has started and I slowly move forward trying to control the steering in a MANLY way, all is fine upto the next curve.

Day 1,Scene2:The REALISATION....
A very neat curve lies ahead which I have passed a ZILLION times on my motorbike.Sitting behind the sinsiter looking steering wheel,I realise that Mr.Henry Ford made a grave mistake in his creation of the century....and that is he did not provide a mirror in which the driver can see all the 4 tyres....!!! For all the EDUCATION I have got in my 3 years of engineering and my so called expertise in driving two-wheelers,I suddenly forget the difference between a clutch and an accelerator.... The car suddenly moves and stops just in front of a ditch.....(the conversation and after this is for the readers(if any..!!) to comprehend...!!)

Day 2,Scene 3:The MOTHER of all problems.....
The night is fresh,the grass is green and what does the 21 year old guy do...?? Ask for a 2nd lesson in driving with his mother sitting in the rear seat...!! Everything starts of well,the TAKE OFF is neat..so is the first turn.Slowly we enter the main road,all is well..suddenly the whole of the rear portion of the car starts to VIBRATE to say the least...mother india is jumping in the seat and asking me to hand back the car to her man in shining armor for the moment....My MALE EGO and TESTOSTRONE refuse the offer and I continue my drive into the city.I hear a cry of relief/terror/excitement from the rear end every time another vehicle passes by.... and I remember those days....when I used to honk loudly on my motorbike everytime i used to pass a woman driver who was trying to learn the car...!!! The woman learner is always caught in between controlling the car...cursing/staring at me in the typical "oh u male chavunistic PIG" way...!! On top of this she is not able to get over with the schrezophenic notion of the male teacher staring at her assets.......!!! In my fantasy of trying to crush the FUNDAMENTAL FEMINIST TERRORISM on the road....I forget that there is something called a brake near my leg..........!!!!!!
(P.S. No one was hurt or opressed in my escapades....!! More EXPERIENCES will be added in my course of trying to unravel the mysteries of Mr.Fords creation...!!)

SMS-SAVE MY SOUL
Finally....I have discovered the art of being jobless.....start SMSing.....!!! The newest IN-thing for me....!! (for people who don't know....I got a mobile when I turned almost 21....think the oldest bloke to go MOBILE.....)
Ok....I agree......having a mobile for communication helps....but....HELLO......dint i hear COMMUNICATION......!?!?!? Agreed sometimes SMSing helps....connects LOVERSSSSSSS...(read it as LOV-ERSSSSS and not lovers...:P ) SMSing gets you your results...or the latest cricket score...accepted that some of the jokes/forwards sent to you are quite hilarious......BUT...HELLO...isnt there something called restrain..........!???
Some of the sms I get to read,makes me want to make me pull my hair off.....read this for starters....
"why is tabu the vector of sridevi....!??
"because sridevi made chandini and tabu made chandini bar....."
agrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh............................................................
Atleast the forwards can be deleted even before reading them....but the idiotic/pathethic/un-fathomable SMS's are seriously pain in the rear end. A guy sitting right behind you sms's you saying..."Hi..." HELLO....!!you are sitting right behind me......!!!! The best part of these sms's are always the Hi... is followed by 3 DOTs(.)..........!!!!
OK....agreed that its my mobile phone and its my desire to read or delete this messages.But,imagine those cheapos who message TV channels in the hope of their messages being displayed on the Tv screen.......!!
These are some of the tit-bits.......

This is from the kannada music channel u2.....(bono willl kill himself...!!)
"hi..prakash.....love u...ur wife...vimla" (prakash realised vimla was his wife through the TV channel......!!! The conversation reminds me of the D-grade RAVICHANDRAN-DISCO SHATHI item numbers I used to enjoy as a 15yr old........!!

DIGEST THIS....(as seen on channel V)
CUTEGIRL86:hi....any1 from noida...?? (36 is acceptable...86.........??
HUNK21:hi cutegirl86...me from chandigarh..want FRAAANDSHIP with me......??
BOYBOY:channel V rockezez and me FAN.......
(want FRAAAANDSHIP with me...?? was he constipating while sending the sms..!?? These form the HEFF (not HEP mind you..) generation...!!)

This hits the nail on the head.....!!
"I love U2 and all peopleS watching it...i want to wish my LOVE kanka happy Valens day...."
(ok...happy VALENS day kanka......St.valentine will be turning in his grave...!!)

For sms lovers/"forwarders" and readers.....criticism welcome...!!

Did the mirror lie...??



Why does the reflection in the mirror seem strange to me....or Is it a mirage..?? I do not recognise what I see. It is something alien. What happened to the old image which I loved?? Why do some people like the reflection i see,while some people dont...!?? Does the reflection even matter to me nowadays...!?? It shows me somethings which I've not seen in years....The image was lost in translation for sometime.....to a great extent it still is.....!!! The change is suttle.....but seems to be real...The image shouts...screams...whispers....pleads...covets....but still...IT LIES....

A Nomad's Dream.....

Baavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna
Baavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna

Baavre se mann ki dekho
Baavri hain baatein
Baavre se mann ki dekho
Baavri hain baatein
Baavri si dhadkanein hain
Baavri hain saansein
Baavri si karvaton se nindiya tu bhaage
Baavre se nain chaahein
Baavre jharokhon se
Baavre nazaaron ko takna
(baavara=nomad...for the complete lyrics...click here.)

Rain...............................


Staring at the rain drops falling out side my window,I wonder why the rains sound to differently to me nowadays.Why do the sound of rain drops which were music to my ears a few years ago seem so harsh.........??? Where did the joy of making paper boats sail away....why does the taste of hail stones seem insipid.......The rain reminds me of the beautiful girl in collage......not of her freshness....but of her tears which it washes away.......it reminds me of the power cuts.......not of the CHOWKA BHARA I played........but of the mosquito bites i had to endure.....It reminds me not of the hot bath after the getting drenched in the rain....but of brown puddles on the road.......It reminds me not of the hot filter coffee I drank after the rains..........but of cold nights.......
Some great man once said....

Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet

I wonder if ever i will get to walk again...ever get to see the rainbow again.......Feel the music.......Re-live the romance.....
If only this could be my song

Let the rain kiss you.
Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops.
Let the rain sing you a lullaby.

Of Indulgence and Fantasies.....
*Why does a bottle of Rare scotch kindle a romance in me and not the beautiful girl in collage....
*Why does a drag of a B&H or a Davidhoff Milds make me think of the beautiful girl in collage....
*Why does Mallika Sherwath's black,luscious and lustrous hair mesmerise me more than her wonderful curves......
*Why does Brian Lara's hook/pull fascinate me rather than the scantly clad carib girls......
*Why does a cup of hot filter coffee served in a steel tumbler taste better than Caviar on toast....
*Why does the smell of Mysore Mallige arouse the romance in me rather than a Jovan Musk......
*Why should "Malgudi Day's" turn me into a 6 year old kid rather than Harrold Robbin's turning me into a 16 year old pervert.....
*Why should my Mandi Mohalla's mango taste sweeter than the mangoes of "Reliance Fresh".....
*Why should the sound of a zooming Yezdi wake me out of a slumber rather than the sound of a jet passing over my head....
*Why does throwing a lighted "bijli patakai" in the air titillate me more than bursting any other cracker....
*Why does Glow in the dark stupefy me more than nuclear physics.....!!!!!?????

THE VULGAR EMANCIPATION.......

Waiting for the shackles to break free by themselves.....not trying to break free..........

Hoping to find the key....not searching for it........

Searching for the messiah....not wanting to be one.....

enjoying being slaved......

Waiting for the gentle touch.......

Not hating the enslaver......

Starving...enjoying...coveting..cribbing...EXISTING.....

(To whom so ever it may concern-Sorry for the plagarised heading....i could not help it...!!)

HUH...................


They say arguing with me is a waste of time........they forget i am worth the argument........

They say I don't accept that i am fault........little do they know that i my self am a fault.........

They say I am the loudest...........they don't know that my silence shouts...........

They say I am funny.........huh.....i am the FUN baby.............!!

They say I am an egoist.......they don't see the way I carry it with me..........

They say I am conceited........I AM ENTITLED TO BE...........!!!

They say I MOCK..........TRY ME.................................

(for the only 2 people who read this dumb blog.....u know who I am talking about when I say THEM...................waiting for ur comments....!!)

The ANT.........



Sitting in front of the computer and orkutting.....Listening to the nasal himesh or a the latest chartbuster..........This is how i spend most evenings...... Out of the constant clattering of the key board.....in between the tiny spaces of the buttons a tiny ant comes out(thanks to the RAVE-UNDES or CHOW CHOW inside the keyboard..!!)....i gave it an insignificant glance......and do not kill it,thinking "let me spare the poor creature...!!" Going thru my scraps i suddenly feel a sting on my right arm......the same ant.......i kill it which so much intensity, ferocity and pleasure that i do not realise that its just an ant.......i see others in it...i see my foes in that little creature.......i see people in that ant........i see myself in that......that one insignificant little creature represents so many faces of my malice.......my insecurities.......!!! I hope next time the ant survives.....not my MALICE....!!

The Fight.......???




The debacle has started......the shame....the loss.....the self pity...the "ohh...sorry.."
the false hopes....the dirty comments.....the sensible comments.....THE FALL.... HAS FINALLY STARTED..................The person in the picture atleast gave a fight........or did he surrender without one........!??

WUJUD
(Call-the band)

KABHEE DARD BHEE MAZA DAI
YEH GHUTAN ACHEE LAGEY
MEIN KHUD KAU ZAKHMEE KARNA CHAHTA HOON

KABHEE GIRNEY KEE KHUSHI
JALNEY KEE KHWAHISH
MEIN IS HAWAS SAI LARNA CHAHTA HOON

MUJHE APNA WUJUD CHAHIYE
IN SOCHON MEIN HOON GUM
MEIN KAB SAI

KABHEE ITNEE GARMEE KEH ROOH JAL JAYE
MEIN ISS MAUSAM KAU SEHNA CHAHTA HOON
KABHEE KHUD KAU TARPA KAR KHUD HEE KAU RULAOON
MEIN IS RONEY MEIN HANSNA CHAHTA HOON

MUJHE APNA WUJUD CHAHIYE
IN SOCHO MEIN HOON GUM
MEIN KAB SAI

KAUN HOON MEIN
KAUN HOON MEIN
KAUN HOON
KAUN HOON
KAUN HOON MEIN.......

VICTORY...!??



"There are some defeats more triumphant than victories................."
How I wish I were defeated rather than being "THE VICTORIOUS" one......
The taste of winning was bitter............its stench, untolerable............its feel.....the touch of dead wood......its effect...nauseating.....

ILLUSION...............


They say "A pleasant illusion is better than a harsh reality....." how true....!!!
The idea of people being what I want them to be is what keeps me talking to them.....wanting them.....being in their company. Many a times I wonder if thats what others feel too.....the enchanting.........the mesmerising..........the alluring........the un-answered ILLUSION....... Its the magicians trick..........The con-man's art......an actors acting.......the beauty of a far off mountain.....or.........the face of your friend.........ILL-USION..........the word itself shouts of malice.....of cowardice.......of betrayal......of venom.........of ME.....................

SHAYAD...........
(call-the band)

KAL KEE IN BAATON MEIN KIA RAKHA HAI SOCHO TAU KUCH BHEE NAHEEN SAB KHALA HAI AAJ BHEE KUCH BADLA NAHEEN KAL JAHAN THA AB BHEE HOON WAHEEN SHAYAD YEHI KISMET MEIN HAI LIKHA MANZIL NAHEEN PHIR BHEE MEIN CHAL RAHA IN SAB SAWALON MEIN KIA RAKHA HAI KYUN MEIN KUCH SOCHOON JAB SAB FANA HAI AAJ PHIR USEE MAUR PAI HOON KHARA KIS GUNAH KEE SEH RAHA HOON SAZA AAJ BHEE USEE MAUR PAI HOON KHARA KIS GUNAH KEE SEH RAHA HOON SAZA SHAYAD YEHI KISMET MEIN HAI LIKHA MANZIL NAHEEN PHIR BHEE MEIN CHAL RAHA

They call u the devil....or GOD...!!!
































Some people said they could write 3 books on me.........One of my DEVILISH intentions.....one about my SAINTLY intentions.....and the other one about my diplomacy.......all i said was OHO......my "diplomatic" answer to say the least...!!
A great man once said..."I never refuse. I contradict. I sometimes forget...." how i wish i could be the great man who said this...but alas....i am just another devil...and the devil is and always been a gentleman.....!!!
For the 2 people who said they could write a book on me.....all i can tell them is...EVEN BAD BOOKS ARE BOOKS....AND THEREFORE SACRED....!!!!!
(For the heading..........thanks to richard basch......being the egoist i am.....i am writing this in the smallest font possible....!!)