The biggest joke and perhaps the greatest tragedy of my life...!!

Me-So what u going to give me for my 22nd birthday....
A She-Hmm....how about a scented rubber...just like kids...??!!
Me-OHHHO....!!! :O :O does it have flavor as well....!???
i ask this and fall out of my chair laughing...!!!

The poor girl said it in all her naivety and innocence....but...i do have one of the dirtiest mind of them all..!!!! And the biggest tragedy is the girl most probably did not get the reason i was laughing for....!!!

Paying the PRICE.......
Now that I am fully grown adult(at least physically), living in the big city and earning a decent amount enough to fill my stomach(and other things)....it seems insanely ridiculous when mother india asks you to pay for ice creams....!!! I mean...for 21.7 years you and father have paid for my ice creams,clothes,food,petrol,books(which i never asked you to pay for),guns and all the other things i spend on and i do not tell you about. Just because i have started earning and i dont know what to do with the money i get...does not mean i've got to pay for ice creams, the mensinakay, kotthombri soppu, the gellucil, the zenetac and all that stupid stuff! What happened to those 5rs u would give me to get all this stuff and whose change u would never get back..!?? what happened to those 2 crisp notes i used to get every 5th day of the month..??? What happened to those coins u always wondered as to where they disappeared..??
Am i paying the price for everything or am i paying the price..........????

My own BIG JOKE....!! (for ppl who understand kannada)
The other day i was in a book shop saw this guy whose name was mayil gowda. So the first thing that flashed to me was......
"what happens if this guy turns gay...??"
"he will become mayilige gowda....!!"
hahahahhaa.....all ppls muchkond laugh....!!!!

Do these things happen to every1 in the corporate world....???

Does Air conditioning make u go to the restroom more than 5 times a day?? And everytime you leave, ur manager is not there but everytime u come back he/she is always there...???

Everytime you go the pantry only then the coffee is over.
Everytime you to go have lunch to the food court, there is a big queue or there is nothing at all...???
Everytime you are early there is no work but anytime u are late there its as if the sky is falling down..
Everyday u get ur badge no one notices it but everytime u forget it the whole world notices it...???

Things I am trying to "unlearn" in the big city corporate world.
I hate my pre-school teachers...no i really do hate them....!! Did u know that in the big city corporate world, while spelling out ur name or anything for that matter, u are not supposed to use things like D for Dog or P for Pot....it is supposed to be derogative....!!!! I mean just imagine this..u are spelling out something to some1 and just like that u have to use something else for D other than dog. D for dog becomes D for delta, P for pot becomes P for papa and C for cat becomes C for charlie...!!
Just list out what u can come up just-like-that for these letters other than what was/is thought to us conventionally from pre school.

S for.....??
C for.....??
F for.....??
B for....??

Am I the only person to have a dirty mind or do all of u have a dirty mind as well..!?!?!

My first Office Romance.....

There is this girl who comes to relieve me....we exchange the initial hello's and how was ur holiday stuff and all other unwanted bitching about work. She gets up to go out somewhere, and there...just then....her hanky falls down..I am like..this is the time...all those bollywood movies are made of...!!! I am about to pick it up and give it to her and start all those things that happens in those movies...and she turns around to say..."hey...i think i dropped my hanky..did u c it..."
I am like..."yeah...i think its there...." She takes it and I say bye and leave.....and thats how my bollywood style romance ended....!!! Y do these dumb bollywood movies show all this nonsense...!!!! :( :( :(

My observations on the opposite sex in the big city corporate world...
It has been more than a week since ive been in the corporate world of the big city. Since sitting on my ass for 8hrs straight and doing nothing did not feel exciting enough, i thought of analyzing all the "items" of the opposite sex very inconspicuously and i came up with this.....

1.The Bigger city girl who has moved into the Big city.
This girl forms the upper echelon of the "item" strata. Normally you would associate this girl with those high end pubs in the big city and in whose hands there are always 5 things-
Purse,a flashy cellphone,her ID,a pack of imported/supposedly less harmful cigerattes and a extremely costly but stylish lighter.
It is this girl who garners the most attention in office/the food court, always wears the tightest pants and who always looks like she has walked out of a 2nd hand fashion magazine

2. The born and bought up in the big city girl who wants to be like the bigger city girl.
This girl is one of ur quintessential waanabess. Her pant gets tighter every day, her skirts get shorter everyday and her accent gets more "yankeed" everyday.This girl does not hesitate to swipe her card anywhere and everywhere.This girl thinks mall trotting every weekend is the second coolest thing to do after trying to flirt with male co-workers. But all it takes is one look and u come to know she is just another big city girl who attends slimming and aerobic classes to fit into those tight pants and is not very successful in her attempts at attaining size 0.

3.The small city girl who will always remain a small city girl.
She is one of those girls who ur mother will like. Not too jazzy not to dumb, does her work as always and goes straight home. Even though she always wants to be like a big city girl, she is never gonna admit it and will leave no stone un-turned in trying to comment on the big city girl in a very subtle way. This girl also goes mall hopping but only once a month.

4.The small/big city/bigger city girl who has suddenly turned rich (or so she thinks)
She forms the scum of all the "items". She is the girl who has suddenly money on her hands thanks to the high dollar rate in our country. She is one girl who has seen the credit card first and the ATM card next. She is the girl who after 21 yrs has suddenly found out that her father is the most dumbest person on earth cause he did not have a credit card.This girl will buy paper backs only to keep it in her book shelf but never read it. This girl will try and converse in english even though she does not know the difference between chick and chic. She will try to show the world that she has had a string of boy friends while in reality her boss would have been the first male outside the family she would have talked for more than 10 mins to.

5. And finally the big city girl who is so very humble u would doubt her humbleness.
This forms a very minute composition in the big city corporate world. She would have seen the big city in and out, been there done that, but never talked about that. She would have seen the money, them credit cards and those designer labels. She would have frequented the malls and have shopped till her cash ran out but never used her credit card. This girl would have read all the best books and seen the best movies but will never brag about it. She is the best person to have a sensible conversation with. But after the chat, u will always doubt her humbleness and her intellect...!!

Now to which category do u, u and u belong..!? And did i miss out on any category...????

Yeah Yeah.....
Yeah....the lazy ass started working....!! I know it sounds funny..but yeah....i am supposed to be working...if u consider sitting on ur bum for 8hrs doing nothing and listening to "team mates" about software...well i am working.
Hey..but do i need to be complaining..!??? every person i met b4 i started work told me that work was a bitch and i needed to njoy life more. Well i do not know abt work being a bitch, but i seriously think i barked/squealed/howled the wrong tree...!!
How many of u get paid for chatting...?? i get paid for chatting..!!!!
How many of u ppl at this day and age still use the notepad on XP..!?? i use and i get paid for it...!!
How many of u are given a debit card and a bank account with 0 rupees in it...!!??
And finally....how many of u do not know who ur boss is...!??

Not At all ON....!!!
Me and 12 year old brother india are watching a decent enough song on Mtv. There is tickr which always scrolls on the bottom of the screen and carries spoofs of popular hindi movies.Today it was about the movie "ROCK ON". It said,

Q."What will the porno version of ROCK ON be called?"

A."HARD ON" :)

thats what appeared and 12 yr old brother india asks me what "HARD ON" means...!!!!!
Believe me when i say ive explained more deeper anatomical things to girls of my age and some times of boys of my age too. But...this was...i donno....I was in-explainable to my own brother...!!! Thankfully the next scroll was

Q."If the movie was about a girl band, what would it be called?"

A. "FROCK ON"

Reading this 12 yr old brother india and me laughed "HA HA HA" and hopefully he forgot about the HARD ON stuff....!!!!

P.S Sadhya he did not ask me what porno meant...!!!

P.S.2 what am i gonna answer the next time if he asks me something as deeply, broadly and HARD-ly anatomical as this..!?!? please help..thumba thanks..!!!

I am ashamed to say this...but........
Just yesterday, a 20 something girl met with quite an accident near my house. Leaving the sequence of the accident apart, i ran to c what happened and saw that the lady was quite hurt in the face and was in a state of shock. She was in quite a mess and thankfully an auto arrived just in time. The only problem was, none of the bystanders, who were all incidentally men, were ready to pick her up and put her in the auto just for the fact that she was a girl....!!!! Most of them were apprehensive to even touch the girl. I am trying to lift that girl up and not a single person around was ready to help..!!! thankfully there were some level headed people around including my mother who lifted her up, put her into an auto and took her to the hospital.

Leaving all this apart, i told the same story to 3 of my friends on 3 different occasions (who were incidentally boys/men) and their first reaction was " was the girl good looking"..!!?? I was like what the fuckkkk...!!!!! a 20 something girl is lying on the road with blood all over her face and i am supposed to judge whether she was good looking or not and check her out..!!!?!??!?!
FOR ALL MY TESTOSTERONE , I NEVER EVEN LOOKED AT HER FACE(or any other part of her anatomy) PROPERLY......!!! And then this guy tells me a great idea... "dude...u should have gone to her house or her hospital and told her i was the one who helped , and she would have been very impressed"....!!
On second thoughts, i thought that his was a great idea....what say..!?? :P :P
Whatever said and done..i am ashamed to say this...but.....we are dogs...what say..!!???

P.S.1 Did i do a great mistake to "MAN"kind by not checking the girl out..!!??
P.S.2 I did check out one of the girls who had come to help out....she was neat a neat work of art and in 3 seconds i figured out her vital stats...does this even out my MANLINESS..!!!??
Please ppls, answer my questions as these questions are haunting me and i am having my doubts about my own hormones...!!!! please please please...!!!! thumba thanks..!!

This thing happened about an year ago...but what the hell....i remembered it now and here it is...!!
I am not a fitness freak or anything, but just because i have nothing better to do in the evenings, i go jogging on most days to a nearby lake. The lake itself is quite "scenic" to say the least with its migratory and other form of "birds". Leaving the "birds" bit apart, its a nice 4.5-5km jog/walk i enjoy for practically no reason.
Except for the occasional beautiful-girl-who-u-read-about-in-books and the boy-girl walk hand in hand and the whole world stares at them things, nothing much happens there and i c the same faces almost everyday.
And then there was this day, when it had rained just enough to take the dust of the ground, it was a sort of a make-u-feel good evening. And there i was jogging and trying to sweat it out, when all of a sudden i heard a voice which had a familiar tone to it which made me stop and turn around. And there she was....just like in her movies always smiling and her hair falling just to her shoulder, perizad zorabian....!! I just stood there like a fool shaking my head trying to clear it to make sure i was not seeing things dude excessive perspiration. But it was really her..!!
It was like a high school boy-dream come true, seeing a beautiful damsel from the movies in your city and sitting on a bench on the path where u go jogging everyday....!! I was like "dude....this is it....this is what movie like notting hill are made for" and i was about to go and talk to her when i saw a man sitting next to her who i presumed was her husband....and to my utter shock....i saw perizad was pregnant...!! I mean its not that i have never ever seen a pregnant woman or something before, its just that the idea of seeing a movie siren pregnant is not very pleasing u know...i mean...celebrity damsels like her are supposed to be ever beautiful and always in your dreams right..!?? so i continued with my jog wondering if it really was perizad zaorabian...!! Just to make sure i literally ran back to c if it was really her and even then my brain refused to believe it was really a pregnant perizad zorabian...!! I went home, googled the latest about her and found out she really was pregnant and was in her mid pregnancy and the person i saw was really her....!!

And from then on i go jogging everyday in the hope of reliving once again the high school boy-dream of seeing a beautiful movie damsel sitting there smiling with her hair let loose.....if not for reliving the boy-dream, what the hell....i always get to see those occasional "birds"..!!

You don't feel disappointed yourself, but the whole world around you feels disappointed for u.....what is this state called..!?? any answers...!?!?

Small city boy in the big city.
As I have now moved from mysore to the big city in the hope of secruing a job (or the lack of it), from now on I will run a series of posts on my experiences in the big city.
Having heard about and seen a bit myself of the wonderful traffic in the big city, I decided to take a 25 kilometer ride on a motorbike to "feel" the traffic.
The wonderful thing about the big city's roads are its pavement walls. On most of these walls u see movie posters and invariably most of these movie posters are of adult movies. Movies like "and then god made a woman", "drugs and aids", "guest house" , "insaan aur shaithan", "modala papa" and so on. And for most parts there are no actual photographs of these movies but caricatures or some sort of paintings which are kinky enough to kindle a male 2 wheeler rider's imagination who has his hands on the accelerator.
So as u c, these movie posters are the main cause of rash driving among male 2 wheeler riders in the big city.

P.S. I intend this to be funny so please laugh. Thumba thanks.
Due excessive joblessness my blogging brain cells have ceased to work. So kindly suggest some remedial measures to overcome this. Thumba thanks.

Things heard while eves dropping on 5 not so beautiful girls while waiting in a queue...
(like it wasn't technically eves dropping...i was just standing in front of them)

Girl 1-this is ur first time here..!?
Girl 2-yeah
Girl1-oh...mine is like some 3rd-4th time..i had been here while i was very young..
Girl3-like u know the story behind this thing..??
Girl4-nope....like u know...!??
Girl5-yeah...like there was this guy..and he fell in love with this girl. The problem was this girl was initially scared after seeing him, but later her dad convinced her to marry him and all.
So finally like this guy's father borrowed money from one more fellow for his son's marriage. So thats y this place came into being.
The rest of the girls in chorus-Oh yeah..now i remember...i was told abt this when i was young.
Girl5-so the moral of the story is it is good to borrow money..!!
The rest of the girls in chorus-ha ha ha ha ha....

And the queue in thirupathi inched forward.....i was trying to ask my grandmother if that story was true.....and i was trying to figure how to keep my panche(dhothi) on my waist for the rest of the time...!!

P.S-i never really got to ask my grandmother....is this story true..!?
P.S.2. The thirupathi laddos are over and please DO NOT ask me for them.
P.S.3 y will 5 girls in all their youth, vigour and vitality come to thirupati on a conducted tour like just like that...!?? (i was dragged by my family...so don't even think of asking me y i was there)

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And it happened again.

Yup....i went shopping again with the female species above 35. But unlike last time, it was to buy dresses for a 5 yr old girl. Whats the big deal in buying a kid a new dress, it should be easy.

But for a guy who has grown up mostly around chaddi,banians, pants and shirts/tshirts, buying dresses for a 5 yr old girl was quite a thing on a sunday afternoon. I was made to roam some 6 kids shops, saw like some 100 different kinds of "kids clothing" if u can call them. Things such as mini, midi, bloopers, tie ons, frilled frocks, plain frocks, shorts, skirts, wrap ons.....shit...all i knew of women's clothing were those silk,lace and leather stuff and nothing more.....!!! The best part was when mother india said "this skirt is too short". I mean, what is there to reveal or hide in a 5yr old kid...!!! And i also learned that there were 2 types of pink. The baby pink and the non baby pink. Did u know that..!?? Baby pink is supposed to be lighter and supposed to be like innocent and all and the other pink is supposed to mean something i don't-need-to-know.
We finally walked out of 6 shops with 3 dresses which i did not know names of. And i found out that a 5yr old kid's dress costs more than a pair of levis jeans....!!!

P.S. Y do i keep doing the same mistake over and over again and never learn...!??
P.S.2 what does the other pink mean...!??
P.S.3 Should i learn more about female/kid dresses and will it help me in my future "endeavors"..!??

Rickety buses, 30km cycle rides, drunk co passengers and more.
Back from a trip to hampi, badami, pattadkal, aihole and bijapur. 3 schoolmates, some fathers money to burn, and a whole lot of time to spare.Deciding all of a sudden to go to these places, we pack our bags and set off.
Thanks to the wonderful state transport system, the semi delux bus we had booked got canceled and we had to travel in a rickety, dirty and no-leg-space bus. Being in a great rush, i get out of the auto, take 2 bananas and dash for the waiting bus, only to trip on some wire and fall down..!! but thankfully i fall on my hands with bananas in them and don't hurt myself. In turn i get a sort of banana split-wide-open on my hands...!!
Ok, the bus starts and after an hour, a drunk gets in. The best part is he comes and sits in the front of us. And when the conductor asks him where is he headed, he does not know, and he blames the conductor for trying to con a drunk man....!!! Finally he gets down after he is sober and he realizes he is 2 towns away from where he originally intended to get down. The bus stops at a road side dhaba, and I, looking at the state of the dhaba, order only a single roti and my frnds say they are not hungry. After tasting it, we order 5 more and they were the best damn rotis we ever had....!!!! (and i had the least
We finally reach hampi at around 7.30 in the morning, book a room, have something and try to figure out the best modes of transportation. Being the engineers we are, and also being the environmentalists we are, we finally decide the best way is to cycle around the city with a guide book in our hand... little did we know that the city of ruins spanned 30kms and after cycling through it, we felt physically ruined...!!
The next day, we covered pattadkal and the rest very sanely in auto's and buses.On the last day we decided to see as much of bijapur as possible and take the last bus back home. As soon as we landed in bijapur, a tonga (a horse drawn carriage) fellow pounced on us and promised us to show everything thats is there to be seen in the city as soon as possible. (provided we spend only 10mins in each place that is..!! )
The "environmentalist" in the 3 of us came back to life again and we decided to go in the tonga. We spent a whole lot of time in the whispering chamber of the gol gumbuz whispering to each other from one corner to another like "couples" and wasted our time. We finally could cover only 3 places in bijapur and were back on time to catch the bus back home.
Thanks to the cycling, and the bus and tonga rides, we are yet to recover from aches in not-be-mentioned places and i am broke with exactly 90rs in my pocket..!! :(

One thing I always did not get and women i would love to eat with

When i was in school and quite young, we were told not to spit on the roads as " if u spit on the roads, insects will sit on them and those insects will sit on ur food and u will fall sick"
I always wondered as to how insects knew that I was the one who spat...??how would those insects know where to find me and come and sit on my food....!! I mean i always wondered if insects had radars or something and they knew who spat and whose food they should go and sit on...!!!
I realized what my teachers meant after a looooooooooong time...!!
And.......

Ok.....Here it is.
For people who did not know, I got a job around 10 days back and a person asked me as to y i did not blog about it.Hence this post.
Just to make sure every1 knows it, I am like the lastest person in the "institute" to get a job on campus. No...really. The interview was never as to what i expected it to be and i myself was quite surprised as to y those company people selected me...!!
After fretting about not being jobless for nearly more than a year, getting a job made me feel weird in a funny sort of way....!!! After watching most of my friends and classmates jump up in joy and have tears of happiness in their eyes after getting a job, i thought the same thing would happened to me. I saw them going to temples and pray for their good fortunes and thought i would do the same. I saw them distributing sweets and throwing parties and i thought i would do the same.
Well......nothing of that sort ever happened. I donno y but neither did i jump with joy nor have tears of happiness in my eyes. I had always imagined that i would feel on top of the world after getting a job. Nothing like that happened. I felt the same way as i felt when i had been jobless. I did not feel like throwing a party nor distributing sweets. I just.....did not feel anything..not even relief..........!!!!
People around me congratulated me....and some of their congrats surprised me cause i never expected them to do so.....I was both surprised and happy by them calling and congratulating me.....And....that was it......Four years of mechanized institutionalization has done things to me....!!! I felt no joy, no nothing after getting my first job and well.......thats how i have turned out to be after 4 years......Maybe because i feel i did not earn this job, maybe because i think i do not fit the job, maybe i am greedy for more....maybe.............??

Did u know...!??
Did u know that today was world environment day...!?? huh..did any one of u know it...!?? Well..i knew it and did a LOT to the environment..no really....
I was threatened, forced and ordered to go to the "institute" for a "program". Little did I know that it was a Tree planting program...!!! Can u believe it...?? a tree planting program when at this age I fantasize about planting seeds...!!!!! [:P] chaaaay...life isn't fair....!!!!

Fine...after spending some "quality" time with my projekt mates talking about my job prospects, we are served tea, badam milk and a FULL PACKET of PARLE-G...I mean...A FULL PACKET...!! so instead of planting saplings and watering them, we happily eat those parle G's. And please to note that my projekt mates choose badam milk over tea. So all of them dipped their biscuits into MY tea. Like just imagine 4 biscuits being dipped at the same time into 1 single paper cup of tea. Yeah....thats what happened and it was quite yucky...with drops of tea falling from 4 biscuits into the tea cup and all...and its a different thing that i finished the tea though...

After the wonderful Tea-Bang we were asked to explain things about solar cookers to school kids..... Just imagine explaining solar cookers to some 10 yr old kids who are happily gorging on parle-g biscuits. The rest of my projekt mates wonderfully escaped and i was asked to the "honors". Believe me...teaching school kids is a pain in the rear end...and teaching their teachers is a bigger pain at at the other end...!! A teacher from one of the schools started asking me questions about the cooker.....I was like...WTF...!!!?? My own HOD did not ask me any question till now on our projekt and a school teacher asks me questions which I cannot answer...!!
Finally the school kids and their teacher go away and I am left alone.
And while I was standing in the sun and explaining stuff to kids....one of my projekt mate was happily drinking mango juice at some1 else's expense.And I was promised there would be lunch and there wasn't any.......and i had to fill my stomach drinking sweet lassi which taster sour... :(

Now u recognize the environmentalist in me...!??? do u...?? do u...!?!??
Now what did you do to save the environment and make the world a better place...!??