Err...some self discovery after a looong time..!!!!
It took me 22 long years to figure out that the female species is as complex and twisted as latent heat in thermodynamics. Coming from a home where 3 men tried not to understand 2 women, i had not realised the fact that one should be "woman educated" to appear smart in front of the fairer sex. As I have now c(r)ash landed in the big city and am living with relatives with 3 women and 1 man, i have come to realize that i am terribly woman challenged.
Mother india, thankfully not being so fashion conscious, i never had seen/grown up with the nitty gritty of fashion. But now I have come to realize that if u want to get a hair cut, u talk about it from 1 month, discuss with neighbors which is the best saloon in the area, check wether the salon is clean, if the woman who cuts your hair is decent enough and most importantly, fix a date to get your hair cut. And when the day finally arrives, u are still thinking if getting your hair cut at this time of the season is good, what will others think if you cut your hair at this time of the day, and is there sufficient water in the bath room, if the conditioner you had bought one month ago is still good, if you have the right towel to wrap your hair afterwards....and finally after the hair cut is done, you go on telling the world that you have "trimmed" your hair. If people tell you that the "trimming" was good, then u call the hair cutting "lady" an artist and if they tell you "oh..i liked you better b4 the hair cut", you call the hair cutting "female" names i do not use and make sure she looses out on 2 customers who u know.

Any upcoming festival,marriage (by upcoming i mean after 2 months), the dress is decided now. Not just the dress, the colour, the jewellry, the salon where u gonna get your make up done and most importantly the dress is supposedly "exclusive" and no one else in the family should wear the same type/colour of dress. You go searching for a matching pair of sandals/shoe/slippers for the dress. And finally when the day arrives you wear a different dress you liked better.

Madur bandarkar's fashion failed to educate me so much as i have learned in the past 6 months. Am i yet to learn many things or is this enough to make me fashionably educated???

P.S-I flunked twice in thermodynamics. If thats a consolation...!!!

Mail Mail mein me.....

In the big city corporate world, checking mails is REALLY an importnat thing. And more important is to make sure other people know that you have checked your mail. All the mails I used to ever receive before being a "techie" were all related to increasing the size of one's penis, or getting a bigger bust line, investment ideas from nigeria or job offers which never suited my resume (if it's a resume). But after being a "techie" and get a corporate email ID, I've come to realize the (un) importance of mails and reading them.

Essentially, there are like 2 types of mails.

Out of office mails-ones where u send out mails to the whole world that u are not working and please do not contact me or-i-will-screw-u.

And the most important of mails-Communication mails.These mails are supposed to be sent out to make sure ppl understand what u have already told them. You have xplained something for 1hr to a person and he has understood it, but still u've to spend 2hrs typing that out and mailing it to him. Y u ask..??? For the only reason that if the guy screws up in his job, he can always tell that you did not xplain things to him properly.!! OR you can cc this to your manager and tell him that u have done xtra work and hope he will give u a better rating/appraisal the next time.

The wonderful things about mails in the corporate world is that, u can always attach "checking your mails" as a reason for your incompitence/compitence.

Your manager asks " u y u did not attend the meeting?-

"oh...i did not chk my mails, i chkd it now!"

manager-"But don't u know the meeting is postponed and its now?"

"oh...my mailbox is capped and i am not receiving any new mails"

Some unwanted colleauge ask's u out for coffee-"sorry, i am checking my mails"

Some unwanted colleauge ask's u y u haven't completed ur work "i am chking my mails"

Y are u late to office-"i was chking mails from home"

Y are u leaving early "gotta chk mails and those mails are not openenig in office"

Where is the report?-"mailing them"

Where is the report?-"have mailed them, mostly ur mailbox has been capped".

Why am i ending this post abruptly....?? "sorry, i am blogging from office and me gotta chk my mails..!! "

P.S. I chkd my yahoo mailbox and have a job post mail. It is from a company called CLIMAX OIL. Of all the mails i get...!!!! The only problem is these ppl require "qualified people who have 2yrs experience".......my my...only if i had started working earlier...!!! any of u guy's interested..!???

...........
On those cold nights when I take you to my lips,
When the wind caresses you and you shiver,
Where I hold you still and feel your warmth,
When your flame and my passion collide,
When holding you is a sin,
When you fill me with a sense of fulfillment,
Just when I am done with you,
When the last embers die.....

I only wish........ for one more puff of life....
Or one last kiss of death....??

Main aur meri mardhangi
Main aur meri mardhangi Aksar ye batein karte hain
Tum hote to kaisa hotatu yeh kahte, tum woh kahte
Tum is baat pe hairan hotetum us baat pe kitni haste
tum hote to aisa hota, tum hote to waisa hota
Main aur meri mardhangi,aksar yeh baten karte hain

Yeh raat hai ya computer screen ki hai chandani,
ya tumhari nazron se meri raatein dhooli hui hain
Yeh error hai ya koi false alert
sitarain hain ya message ke beep
Air conditioning ka jhoka hai, ya kiski extra-strong de-odurant ki khusboo
Yeh pattiyon ki hai sarsarahat, ki cisco phone me koi chupke se kuch kahara hai
Yeh sochta hoon main kabse gumsum jabki mujhko bhi yeh khabar hai
Ki tum nahi ho, kahin nahi ho Margar yeh dil hai ki kah raha haiki tum yahin ho, yahin kahin ho.
Majboor yeh haalat edhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Tanhai ki ek raat edhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Kahne ko bahut kuch hai magar kisse kahain hum
Kab tak yuhin khamosh rahein aur sahe hum
Dil kahta hai tec* ke har alert ko hata dein
Neend jo hum sab mein hai aaj bat dein
Kyun dil mein sulagte rahain, logo ko bata dein HAN HUMKO neend arrahi HAI, aarhai HAI, arrahi hai!
Aub dil mein yahi baat edhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Main aur meri mardhangiAksar ye batein karte hain

For a middle class boy who grew up hearing thigs like "work is worship" and "honesty is the best policy" the whole idea of staying up late nights just so that some1 else sleeps early is a lil disturbing.What happened to those ideas of "Yes we can" and "I will be the change"? Those dreams of being a rich guy someday? Those dreams of donating to a noble cause?All those turned out to be nothing more than calculating how much more u can claim for travel benifits, shift allowance and so on. Compare each other's pay slip and find out who has made the most.Call up relatives in US using ur office phone,take 100 page personal prints using the office printer,ask for 100rs petrol bill for 25rs of petrol.See which girl's top is too low or whose bottom is too high,comment on a girl's waistline,neckline and her phoneline,talk in front of a colleauge in language he does not understand,buy the costliest mobile on loan,watch movies on the net while at work, take sick leaves on new year's eve.

Mein aur meri mardhangi aksar ye baate karte hainTum hote to kaisa hota,tu yeh kahte, tum woh kahte

*tec=something i work on
P.s: Office blogging is FUN..!!

It’s ignorance meets egoism meets bad taste meets mob rule.

T. H. Huxley, the nineteenth-century evolutionary biologist and author of the “infinite monkey theorem.” Huxley’s theory says that if you provide infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters, some monkey somewhere will eventually create a masterpiece—a play by Shakespeare, a Platonic dialogue, or an economic treatise by Adam Smith.^[1]

In the pre-Internet age, T. H. Huxley’s scenario of infinite monkeys empowered with infinite technology seemed more like a mathematical jest than a dystopian vision. But what had once appeared as a joke now seems to foretell the consequences of a flattening of culture that is blurring the lines between traditional audience and author, creator and consumer, expert and amateur. This is no laughing matter.

Today’s technology hooks all those monkeys up with all those typewriters. Except in our Web 2.0 world, the typewriters aren’t quite typewriters, but rather networked personal computers, and the monkeys aren’t quite monkeys, but rather Internet users. And instead of creating masterpieces, these millions and millions of exuberant monkeys—many with no more talent in the creative arts than our primate cousins—are creating an endless digital forest of mediocrity. For today’s amateur monkeys can use their networked computers to publish everything from uninformed political commentary, to unseemly home videos, to embarrassingly amateurish music, to unreadable poems, reviews, essays, and novels.

At the heart of this infinite monkey experiment in self-publishing is the Internet diary, the ubiquitous blog. Blogging has become such a mania that a new blog is being created every second of every minute of every hour of every day. We are blogging with monkeylike shamelessness about our private lives, our sex lives, our dream lives, our lack of lives, our Second Lives. At the time of writing there are fifty-three million blogs on the Internet, and this number is doubling every six months. In the time it took you to read this paragraph, ten new blogs were launched.

If we keep up this pace, there will be over five hundred million blogs by 2010, collectively corrupting and confusing popular opinion about everything from politics, to commerce, to arts and culture. Blogs have become so dizzyingly infinite that they’ve undermined our sense of what is true and what is false, what is real and what is imaginary. These days, kids can’t tell the difference between credible news by objective professional journalists and what they read on joeshmoe.blogspot.com. For these Generation Y utopians, every posting is just another person’s version of the truth; every fiction is just another person’s version of the facts.

The above excerpt from the book-The Cult of the Amateur: How Today's Internet Is Killing Our Culture is some food for thought for all of us jobless bloggers. Read this book if u can, or ask me for it...i will search for a pdf...!! :P :P

P.S. Do u agree with the author's view on internet and all the other things..?? Thanks to internet I can atleast pay my own bills..!!!

Y I am a bad influence on the opposite sex... :(
After the Rubber fiasco.....A she is trying to think too much on the sidey side. She suddenly sends me a message the other night saying
"I just discovered that if 'p' was 'b', the smiely with the tounge out, i.e :P, the smiely would not have looked so cute, see :b"
What a nice line of thinking no...?? even a simple smiely can be made an object of sexual pervertness by navie girls nowadays....c how such a bad influence i am..?? :( :(

The biggest joke and perhaps the greatest tragedy of my life...!!

Me-So what u going to give me for my 22nd birthday....
A She-Hmm....how about a scented rubber...just like kids...??!!
Me-OHHHO....!!! :O :O does it have flavor as well....!???
i ask this and fall out of my chair laughing...!!!

The poor girl said it in all her naivety and innocence....but...i do have one of the dirtiest mind of them all..!!!! And the biggest tragedy is the girl most probably did not get the reason i was laughing for....!!!

Paying the PRICE.......
Now that I am fully grown adult(at least physically), living in the big city and earning a decent amount enough to fill my stomach(and other things)....it seems insanely ridiculous when mother india asks you to pay for ice creams....!!! I mean...for 21.7 years you and father have paid for my ice creams,clothes,food,petrol,books(which i never asked you to pay for),guns and all the other things i spend on and i do not tell you about. Just because i have started earning and i dont know what to do with the money i get...does not mean i've got to pay for ice creams, the mensinakay, kotthombri soppu, the gellucil, the zenetac and all that stupid stuff! What happened to those 5rs u would give me to get all this stuff and whose change u would never get back..!?? what happened to those 2 crisp notes i used to get every 5th day of the month..??? What happened to those coins u always wondered as to where they disappeared..??
Am i paying the price for everything or am i paying the price..........????

My own BIG JOKE....!! (for ppl who understand kannada)
The other day i was in a book shop saw this guy whose name was mayil gowda. So the first thing that flashed to me was......
"what happens if this guy turns gay...??"
"he will become mayilige gowda....!!"
hahahahhaa.....all ppls muchkond laugh....!!!!

Do these things happen to every1 in the corporate world....???

Does Air conditioning make u go to the restroom more than 5 times a day?? And everytime you leave, ur manager is not there but everytime u come back he/she is always there...???

Everytime you go the pantry only then the coffee is over.
Everytime you to go have lunch to the food court, there is a big queue or there is nothing at all...???
Everytime you are early there is no work but anytime u are late there its as if the sky is falling down..
Everyday u get ur badge no one notices it but everytime u forget it the whole world notices it...???

Things I am trying to "unlearn" in the big city corporate world.
I hate my pre-school teachers...no i really do hate them....!! Did u know that in the big city corporate world, while spelling out ur name or anything for that matter, u are not supposed to use things like D for Dog or P for Pot....it is supposed to be derogative....!!!! I mean just imagine this..u are spelling out something to some1 and just like that u have to use something else for D other than dog. D for dog becomes D for delta, P for pot becomes P for papa and C for cat becomes C for charlie...!!
Just list out what u can come up just-like-that for these letters other than what was/is thought to us conventionally from pre school.

S for.....??
C for.....??
F for.....??
B for....??

Am I the only person to have a dirty mind or do all of u have a dirty mind as well..!?!?!

My first Office Romance.....

There is this girl who comes to relieve me....we exchange the initial hello's and how was ur holiday stuff and all other unwanted bitching about work. She gets up to go out somewhere, and there...just then....her hanky falls down..I am like..this is the time...all those bollywood movies are made of...!!! I am about to pick it up and give it to her and start all those things that happens in those movies...and she turns around to say..."hey...i think i dropped my hanky..did u c it..."
I am like..."yeah...i think its there...." She takes it and I say bye and leave.....and thats how my bollywood style romance ended....!!! Y do these dumb bollywood movies show all this nonsense...!!!! :( :( :(

My observations on the opposite sex in the big city corporate world...
It has been more than a week since ive been in the corporate world of the big city. Since sitting on my ass for 8hrs straight and doing nothing did not feel exciting enough, i thought of analyzing all the "items" of the opposite sex very inconspicuously and i came up with this.....

1.The Bigger city girl who has moved into the Big city.
This girl forms the upper echelon of the "item" strata. Normally you would associate this girl with those high end pubs in the big city and in whose hands there are always 5 things-
Purse,a flashy cellphone,her ID,a pack of imported/supposedly less harmful cigerattes and a extremely costly but stylish lighter.
It is this girl who garners the most attention in office/the food court, always wears the tightest pants and who always looks like she has walked out of a 2nd hand fashion magazine

2. The born and bought up in the big city girl who wants to be like the bigger city girl.
This girl is one of ur quintessential waanabess. Her pant gets tighter every day, her skirts get shorter everyday and her accent gets more "yankeed" everyday.This girl does not hesitate to swipe her card anywhere and everywhere.This girl thinks mall trotting every weekend is the second coolest thing to do after trying to flirt with male co-workers. But all it takes is one look and u come to know she is just another big city girl who attends slimming and aerobic classes to fit into those tight pants and is not very successful in her attempts at attaining size 0.

3.The small city girl who will always remain a small city girl.
She is one of those girls who ur mother will like. Not too jazzy not to dumb, does her work as always and goes straight home. Even though she always wants to be like a big city girl, she is never gonna admit it and will leave no stone un-turned in trying to comment on the big city girl in a very subtle way. This girl also goes mall hopping but only once a month.

4.The small/big city/bigger city girl who has suddenly turned rich (or so she thinks)
She forms the scum of all the "items". She is the girl who has suddenly money on her hands thanks to the high dollar rate in our country. She is one girl who has seen the credit card first and the ATM card next. She is the girl who after 21 yrs has suddenly found out that her father is the most dumbest person on earth cause he did not have a credit card.This girl will buy paper backs only to keep it in her book shelf but never read it. This girl will try and converse in english even though she does not know the difference between chick and chic. She will try to show the world that she has had a string of boy friends while in reality her boss would have been the first male outside the family she would have talked for more than 10 mins to.

5. And finally the big city girl who is so very humble u would doubt her humbleness.
This forms a very minute composition in the big city corporate world. She would have seen the big city in and out, been there done that, but never talked about that. She would have seen the money, them credit cards and those designer labels. She would have frequented the malls and have shopped till her cash ran out but never used her credit card. This girl would have read all the best books and seen the best movies but will never brag about it. She is the best person to have a sensible conversation with. But after the chat, u will always doubt her humbleness and her intellect...!!

Now to which category do u, u and u belong..!? And did i miss out on any category...????

Yeah Yeah.....
Yeah....the lazy ass started working....!! I know it sounds funny..but yeah....i am supposed to be working...if u consider sitting on ur bum for 8hrs doing nothing and listening to "team mates" about software...well i am working.
Hey..but do i need to be complaining..!??? every person i met b4 i started work told me that work was a bitch and i needed to njoy life more. Well i do not know abt work being a bitch, but i seriously think i barked/squealed/howled the wrong tree...!!
How many of u get paid for chatting...?? i get paid for chatting..!!!!
How many of u ppl at this day and age still use the notepad on XP..!?? i use and i get paid for it...!!
How many of u are given a debit card and a bank account with 0 rupees in it...!!??
And finally....how many of u do not know who ur boss is...!??

Not At all ON....!!!
Me and 12 year old brother india are watching a decent enough song on Mtv. There is tickr which always scrolls on the bottom of the screen and carries spoofs of popular hindi movies.Today it was about the movie "ROCK ON". It said,

Q."What will the porno version of ROCK ON be called?"

A."HARD ON" :)

thats what appeared and 12 yr old brother india asks me what "HARD ON" means...!!!!!
Believe me when i say ive explained more deeper anatomical things to girls of my age and some times of boys of my age too. But...this was...i donno....I was in-explainable to my own brother...!!! Thankfully the next scroll was

Q."If the movie was about a girl band, what would it be called?"

A. "FROCK ON"

Reading this 12 yr old brother india and me laughed "HA HA HA" and hopefully he forgot about the HARD ON stuff....!!!!

P.S Sadhya he did not ask me what porno meant...!!!

P.S.2 what am i gonna answer the next time if he asks me something as deeply, broadly and HARD-ly anatomical as this..!?!? please help..thumba thanks..!!!

I am ashamed to say this...but........
Just yesterday, a 20 something girl met with quite an accident near my house. Leaving the sequence of the accident apart, i ran to c what happened and saw that the lady was quite hurt in the face and was in a state of shock. She was in quite a mess and thankfully an auto arrived just in time. The only problem was, none of the bystanders, who were all incidentally men, were ready to pick her up and put her in the auto just for the fact that she was a girl....!!!! Most of them were apprehensive to even touch the girl. I am trying to lift that girl up and not a single person around was ready to help..!!! thankfully there were some level headed people around including my mother who lifted her up, put her into an auto and took her to the hospital.

Leaving all this apart, i told the same story to 3 of my friends on 3 different occasions (who were incidentally boys/men) and their first reaction was " was the girl good looking"..!!?? I was like what the fuckkkk...!!!!! a 20 something girl is lying on the road with blood all over her face and i am supposed to judge whether she was good looking or not and check her out..!!!?!??!?!
FOR ALL MY TESTOSTERONE , I NEVER EVEN LOOKED AT HER FACE(or any other part of her anatomy) PROPERLY......!!! And then this guy tells me a great idea... "dude...u should have gone to her house or her hospital and told her i was the one who helped , and she would have been very impressed"....!!
On second thoughts, i thought that his was a great idea....what say..!?? :P :P
Whatever said and done..i am ashamed to say this...but.....we are dogs...what say..!!???

P.S.1 Did i do a great mistake to "MAN"kind by not checking the girl out..!!??
P.S.2 I did check out one of the girls who had come to help out....she was neat a neat work of art and in 3 seconds i figured out her vital stats...does this even out my MANLINESS..!!!??
Please ppls, answer my questions as these questions are haunting me and i am having my doubts about my own hormones...!!!! please please please...!!!! thumba thanks..!!

This thing happened about an year ago...but what the hell....i remembered it now and here it is...!!
I am not a fitness freak or anything, but just because i have nothing better to do in the evenings, i go jogging on most days to a nearby lake. The lake itself is quite "scenic" to say the least with its migratory and other form of "birds". Leaving the "birds" bit apart, its a nice 4.5-5km jog/walk i enjoy for practically no reason.
Except for the occasional beautiful-girl-who-u-read-about-in-books and the boy-girl walk hand in hand and the whole world stares at them things, nothing much happens there and i c the same faces almost everyday.
And then there was this day, when it had rained just enough to take the dust of the ground, it was a sort of a make-u-feel good evening. And there i was jogging and trying to sweat it out, when all of a sudden i heard a voice which had a familiar tone to it which made me stop and turn around. And there she was....just like in her movies always smiling and her hair falling just to her shoulder, perizad zorabian....!! I just stood there like a fool shaking my head trying to clear it to make sure i was not seeing things dude excessive perspiration. But it was really her..!!
It was like a high school boy-dream come true, seeing a beautiful damsel from the movies in your city and sitting on a bench on the path where u go jogging everyday....!! I was like "dude....this is it....this is what movie like notting hill are made for" and i was about to go and talk to her when i saw a man sitting next to her who i presumed was her husband....and to my utter shock....i saw perizad was pregnant...!! I mean its not that i have never ever seen a pregnant woman or something before, its just that the idea of seeing a movie siren pregnant is not very pleasing u know...i mean...celebrity damsels like her are supposed to be ever beautiful and always in your dreams right..!?? so i continued with my jog wondering if it really was perizad zaorabian...!! Just to make sure i literally ran back to c if it was really her and even then my brain refused to believe it was really a pregnant perizad zorabian...!! I went home, googled the latest about her and found out she really was pregnant and was in her mid pregnancy and the person i saw was really her....!!

And from then on i go jogging everyday in the hope of reliving once again the high school boy-dream of seeing a beautiful movie damsel sitting there smiling with her hair let loose.....if not for reliving the boy-dream, what the hell....i always get to see those occasional "birds"..!!

You don't feel disappointed yourself, but the whole world around you feels disappointed for u.....what is this state called..!?? any answers...!?!?

Small city boy in the big city.
As I have now moved from mysore to the big city in the hope of secruing a job (or the lack of it), from now on I will run a series of posts on my experiences in the big city.
Having heard about and seen a bit myself of the wonderful traffic in the big city, I decided to take a 25 kilometer ride on a motorbike to "feel" the traffic.
The wonderful thing about the big city's roads are its pavement walls. On most of these walls u see movie posters and invariably most of these movie posters are of adult movies. Movies like "and then god made a woman", "drugs and aids", "guest house" , "insaan aur shaithan", "modala papa" and so on. And for most parts there are no actual photographs of these movies but caricatures or some sort of paintings which are kinky enough to kindle a male 2 wheeler rider's imagination who has his hands on the accelerator.
So as u c, these movie posters are the main cause of rash driving among male 2 wheeler riders in the big city.

P.S. I intend this to be funny so please laugh. Thumba thanks.
Due excessive joblessness my blogging brain cells have ceased to work. So kindly suggest some remedial measures to overcome this. Thumba thanks.

Things heard while eves dropping on 5 not so beautiful girls while waiting in a queue...
(like it wasn't technically eves dropping...i was just standing in front of them)

Girl 1-this is ur first time here..!?
Girl 2-yeah
Girl1-oh...mine is like some 3rd-4th time..i had been here while i was very young..
Girl3-like u know the story behind this thing..??
Girl4-nope....like u know...!??
Girl5-yeah...like there was this guy..and he fell in love with this girl. The problem was this girl was initially scared after seeing him, but later her dad convinced her to marry him and all.
So finally like this guy's father borrowed money from one more fellow for his son's marriage. So thats y this place came into being.
The rest of the girls in chorus-Oh yeah..now i remember...i was told abt this when i was young.
Girl5-so the moral of the story is it is good to borrow money..!!
The rest of the girls in chorus-ha ha ha ha ha....

And the queue in thirupathi inched forward.....i was trying to ask my grandmother if that story was true.....and i was trying to figure how to keep my panche(dhothi) on my waist for the rest of the time...!!

P.S-i never really got to ask my grandmother....is this story true..!?
P.S.2. The thirupathi laddos are over and please DO NOT ask me for them.
P.S.3 y will 5 girls in all their youth, vigour and vitality come to thirupati on a conducted tour like just like that...!?? (i was dragged by my family...so don't even think of asking me y i was there)