You know u are yet to "fit in" to the big city crowd when.....
A smart she-Hey seems there is a central opening at jaynagar anthe....i am soooo happy...
The dumb me-Huh...all openings are in the center only..please be specific....
after 10mins...
A smart she- Yuck..thu..shameless...i was referring to the central mall...!!!
The dumb me- Oh...ok..!!!

On a completely different note.....
the same smart she- You know there is a guy in office whose dream is to design bikinis...how idiotic and stupid no...!!??
The MUCH smarter me- Whats so stupid in that...?? its quite challenging you know. Its tough to decide what to cover and what not to......!!!!

What has the world around me come to..............!!!?????
I ask a very fine lady friend of mine "Hey...u free on the first friday of october? we will go first day first show to himesh's movie radio?? i will pay for the tickets!!
She-thu.....get lost...
Me-What?? all i am asking you is to come to a movie...he is funny..!!
She-How can u expect people to accompany u to a himesh movie??
Me-I am not calling you to watch porn with me...!!
She-Watching porn with you is much more exciting than watching a Himesh movie....
What did she mean?? what did she mean??? I must really be a boring person or.......OR...........

Mediocrity, sidey theaters and empty wallets.....
Being in the midst of people who consider you a smart and suave guy makes u mediocre at the end.You reach home and realize you were good when people consider you dumb. Over a span of 10 months you have transformed into the typical cliche'. Cant survive between smarter people, feel disgusted acting the smart guy around people who consider you smart.

"Moving forward" (I am an IT guy u c, and we of-tan use these terms), my mediocrity has turned so mediocre, my supposedly busy ske-dule allowed me the rare luxury of a hindi movie in a theater. The only catch was i did not find another jobless kamina to watch kaminey. So yours truely went to a tent-converted-to-a-theater in the big city to watch the kaminey.
The theater is your quintessential adult movie theater which plays the occasional hit movie to save its credibility sort of a theater. There were exactly 23 people in the balcony section trying to find a lesser stained seat. The stains ranged in colours from red, white, yellow to blue.(I did not try to guess what fluids could have caused those stains). There were drunks, jobless people, pseudo joblesses like me, and girls who were cursing their male partners for bringing them to such a theater. Through the movie nice little female mosquitoes kept me company by caressing me in all the right and wrong places. (Not to forget priyanka chopras delicious saree wearing style...)
The only reason I did go to this theater is that i am salary-less from the 2 months due to some "technical glitches" as my folks put it. So an empty wallet and an empty mind is staring at this kamina now....!!

When girly things happen to ungirly fellows.
Not being an MCP or a feminist or all that in between, not withstanding those bollywood cliche's of engagements/marriages being the best place for clandistine flings, yours truely experienced all those things which boys/men of his age never dream of.
Being the unsocial animal i was for years,and living in the big city made me look like an alien, i thought of attending an engagement of a decent enough colleauge.Thanks to others who were too busy to make it, i went there decenlty dressed, empty handed, met the groom and the bride( who was wonderfully beautiful and was almost my age, which made mefeel guilty for her), had a cup of good filter coffee, declined lunch as i had to rush back to office and left the scene without a sound. Now 3 days after this, the colleauge who caught this wonderfully beautiful young girl asks me my age. I oblidge and tell him. He asks me my birth date, i oblige and tell him that too. He then asks me the time of my birth. I say i frankly do not know that and ask him y is he askingme all this?!? and then he drops the bomb...telling me "all the people there were asking details about you, you are hot property now.How much you make a month, what caste/subcaste are you and allthat."
It took me around 5 mins to realize what he was talking about, and i realised he was asking all this to hook me up for nuptial bliss with some1...!!!!!!I did not know wethere to be shocked, angry, happy that SOMEBODY took notice or plain baffeld.
For a guy who is 22, who was and is as single as a penis, this was page3 stuff...!!!For gods sake who will ask a 22 year old guy's details for marriage..!!?!? Either I must look6 yrs older than my actualy age which is extremely embarassing to me and insulting to my parents,OR every1 in that function hall had myopic tendancies. All the girls whose legs i had pulled pertaining marriage and boys and saas bahu stuff....all those times they have had to bear my stupid wise cracks about girls getting married early...!!What a field day for them....!!! Hats off to all those single girls who go to marriages/engagements or other places and have to face all this bullshit each and every time...!!! What a fuckin joke...!!

And then there was light...
Thanks to the wonderful atmosphere of the big city that i have been drinking from the past 8 months (among other things), it has suddenly struck me that i am an out-of-place techi in the big city corporate world. It seems 8 months has not evolved me into the quintessential techi that i should have become. Cause a normal techi within 8 months of earning his bread, butter and vodka has to have done the following things-
*Should have changed 2 extremely costly mobile phones even though his office does not allow him to get these fancy mobiles into the office.
*Should own a fancy Ipod.
*Should have had 2 break ups.
*Should suddenly follow F1 even though the only round thing that he sees close are not tyres.
*Beer is suddenly replaced by the costliest vodka.
*Has more plastic cards in his pockets than currency notes.
*Recognizes Meal tickets and Sodexo passes faster than a 10re note (which he uses seldom).
*Sports a fancy sunglass even at 8 in the night in a fancy pub.
*Should change his hair style every 15days.
*Should have attended atleast one bootcamp of some sort and one cycling/biking expedition with unknown people.
*And finally should never go to the pantry\cafeteria alone to drink a cup of coffee.

Except for the graduation form beer to vodka(albeit a cheap one), your's truely has had no success in becoming a successful techi in all other aspects. So heres asking suggestions in becoming a typecast techi in the big city so that yours truely can do better things in his off office hours other than blog on a low battery Laptop...!!

Finally......
I put my finger to better use....and...hopefully this stain has more meaning...!!!

7 seas apart....and still.....
2 good old friends, one with uncle sam and the other with mom india. google chat and chai.
mom india's faithul son (mifs)-hi man...hengidya?? (how u)
uncle sam's unfaitful son(usus)-sooper aagiddini..swalpa bore aagide jeevana (i am sooper..but life is getting boring)
mifs-yaake...more boring than mine??
usus-gottilla... projects that cannot be understood... home sick roomies... less motivated self... jobless... less money!
mifs-ha ha...more than mine?
Hectic and boring job.....boringer colleauges.....wasted hormones.......college rejects.... slowly growing waste line.....receeding intellect and high nicotine!

7 seas, different timezones, different cuisines, different pocket sizes, different relationship status .........and one common denominator....we are a screwed up generation...!!
This video might explain more...if u cannot understand the lyrics, drop me a mail and i shall send u the explanation (this makes this post suddenly appear important!!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRXopK8Ppr4&feature=related
P.S-usus went away telling maga.. ISKON oota ide eega!! indian food! see u later (iskon food now...indian food...see u later)

Err...some self discovery after a looong time..!!!!
It took me 22 long years to figure out that the female species is as complex and twisted as latent heat in thermodynamics. Coming from a home where 3 men tried not to understand 2 women, i had not realised the fact that one should be "woman educated" to appear smart in front of the fairer sex. As I have now c(r)ash landed in the big city and am living with relatives with 3 women and 1 man, i have come to realize that i am terribly woman challenged.
Mother india, thankfully not being so fashion conscious, i never had seen/grown up with the nitty gritty of fashion. But now I have come to realize that if u want to get a hair cut, u talk about it from 1 month, discuss with neighbors which is the best saloon in the area, check wether the salon is clean, if the woman who cuts your hair is decent enough and most importantly, fix a date to get your hair cut. And when the day finally arrives, u are still thinking if getting your hair cut at this time of the season is good, what will others think if you cut your hair at this time of the day, and is there sufficient water in the bath room, if the conditioner you had bought one month ago is still good, if you have the right towel to wrap your hair afterwards....and finally after the hair cut is done, you go on telling the world that you have "trimmed" your hair. If people tell you that the "trimming" was good, then u call the hair cutting "lady" an artist and if they tell you "oh..i liked you better b4 the hair cut", you call the hair cutting "female" names i do not use and make sure she looses out on 2 customers who u know.

Any upcoming festival,marriage (by upcoming i mean after 2 months), the dress is decided now. Not just the dress, the colour, the jewellry, the salon where u gonna get your make up done and most importantly the dress is supposedly "exclusive" and no one else in the family should wear the same type/colour of dress. You go searching for a matching pair of sandals/shoe/slippers for the dress. And finally when the day arrives you wear a different dress you liked better.

Madur bandarkar's fashion failed to educate me so much as i have learned in the past 6 months. Am i yet to learn many things or is this enough to make me fashionably educated???

P.S-I flunked twice in thermodynamics. If thats a consolation...!!!

Mail Mail mein me.....

In the big city corporate world, checking mails is REALLY an importnat thing. And more important is to make sure other people know that you have checked your mail. All the mails I used to ever receive before being a "techie" were all related to increasing the size of one's penis, or getting a bigger bust line, investment ideas from nigeria or job offers which never suited my resume (if it's a resume). But after being a "techie" and get a corporate email ID, I've come to realize the (un) importance of mails and reading them.

Essentially, there are like 2 types of mails.

Out of office mails-ones where u send out mails to the whole world that u are not working and please do not contact me or-i-will-screw-u.

And the most important of mails-Communication mails.These mails are supposed to be sent out to make sure ppl understand what u have already told them. You have xplained something for 1hr to a person and he has understood it, but still u've to spend 2hrs typing that out and mailing it to him. Y u ask..??? For the only reason that if the guy screws up in his job, he can always tell that you did not xplain things to him properly.!! OR you can cc this to your manager and tell him that u have done xtra work and hope he will give u a better rating/appraisal the next time.

The wonderful things about mails in the corporate world is that, u can always attach "checking your mails" as a reason for your incompitence/compitence.

Your manager asks " u y u did not attend the meeting?-

"oh...i did not chk my mails, i chkd it now!"

manager-"But don't u know the meeting is postponed and its now?"

"oh...my mailbox is capped and i am not receiving any new mails"

Some unwanted colleauge ask's u out for coffee-"sorry, i am checking my mails"

Some unwanted colleauge ask's u y u haven't completed ur work "i am chking my mails"

Y are u late to office-"i was chking mails from home"

Y are u leaving early "gotta chk mails and those mails are not openenig in office"

Where is the report?-"mailing them"

Where is the report?-"have mailed them, mostly ur mailbox has been capped".

Why am i ending this post abruptly....?? "sorry, i am blogging from office and me gotta chk my mails..!! "

P.S. I chkd my yahoo mailbox and have a job post mail. It is from a company called CLIMAX OIL. Of all the mails i get...!!!! The only problem is these ppl require "qualified people who have 2yrs experience".......my my...only if i had started working earlier...!!! any of u guy's interested..!???

...........
On those cold nights when I take you to my lips,
When the wind caresses you and you shiver,
Where I hold you still and feel your warmth,
When your flame and my passion collide,
When holding you is a sin,
When you fill me with a sense of fulfillment,
Just when I am done with you,
When the last embers die.....

I only wish........ for one more puff of life....
Or one last kiss of death....??

Main aur meri mardhangi
Main aur meri mardhangi Aksar ye batein karte hain
Tum hote to kaisa hotatu yeh kahte, tum woh kahte
Tum is baat pe hairan hotetum us baat pe kitni haste
tum hote to aisa hota, tum hote to waisa hota
Main aur meri mardhangi,aksar yeh baten karte hain

Yeh raat hai ya computer screen ki hai chandani,
ya tumhari nazron se meri raatein dhooli hui hain
Yeh error hai ya koi false alert
sitarain hain ya message ke beep
Air conditioning ka jhoka hai, ya kiski extra-strong de-odurant ki khusboo
Yeh pattiyon ki hai sarsarahat, ki cisco phone me koi chupke se kuch kahara hai
Yeh sochta hoon main kabse gumsum jabki mujhko bhi yeh khabar hai
Ki tum nahi ho, kahin nahi ho Margar yeh dil hai ki kah raha haiki tum yahin ho, yahin kahin ho.
Majboor yeh haalat edhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Tanhai ki ek raat edhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Kahne ko bahut kuch hai magar kisse kahain hum
Kab tak yuhin khamosh rahein aur sahe hum
Dil kahta hai tec* ke har alert ko hata dein
Neend jo hum sab mein hai aaj bat dein
Kyun dil mein sulagte rahain, logo ko bata dein HAN HUMKO neend arrahi HAI, aarhai HAI, arrahi hai!
Aub dil mein yahi baat edhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Main aur meri mardhangiAksar ye batein karte hain

For a middle class boy who grew up hearing thigs like "work is worship" and "honesty is the best policy" the whole idea of staying up late nights just so that some1 else sleeps early is a lil disturbing.What happened to those ideas of "Yes we can" and "I will be the change"? Those dreams of being a rich guy someday? Those dreams of donating to a noble cause?All those turned out to be nothing more than calculating how much more u can claim for travel benifits, shift allowance and so on. Compare each other's pay slip and find out who has made the most.Call up relatives in US using ur office phone,take 100 page personal prints using the office printer,ask for 100rs petrol bill for 25rs of petrol.See which girl's top is too low or whose bottom is too high,comment on a girl's waistline,neckline and her phoneline,talk in front of a colleauge in language he does not understand,buy the costliest mobile on loan,watch movies on the net while at work, take sick leaves on new year's eve.

Mein aur meri mardhangi aksar ye baate karte hainTum hote to kaisa hota,tu yeh kahte, tum woh kahte

*tec=something i work on
P.s: Office blogging is FUN..!!

It’s ignorance meets egoism meets bad taste meets mob rule.

T. H. Huxley, the nineteenth-century evolutionary biologist and author of the “infinite monkey theorem.” Huxley’s theory says that if you provide infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters, some monkey somewhere will eventually create a masterpiece—a play by Shakespeare, a Platonic dialogue, or an economic treatise by Adam Smith.^[1]

In the pre-Internet age, T. H. Huxley’s scenario of infinite monkeys empowered with infinite technology seemed more like a mathematical jest than a dystopian vision. But what had once appeared as a joke now seems to foretell the consequences of a flattening of culture that is blurring the lines between traditional audience and author, creator and consumer, expert and amateur. This is no laughing matter.

Today’s technology hooks all those monkeys up with all those typewriters. Except in our Web 2.0 world, the typewriters aren’t quite typewriters, but rather networked personal computers, and the monkeys aren’t quite monkeys, but rather Internet users. And instead of creating masterpieces, these millions and millions of exuberant monkeys—many with no more talent in the creative arts than our primate cousins—are creating an endless digital forest of mediocrity. For today’s amateur monkeys can use their networked computers to publish everything from uninformed political commentary, to unseemly home videos, to embarrassingly amateurish music, to unreadable poems, reviews, essays, and novels.

At the heart of this infinite monkey experiment in self-publishing is the Internet diary, the ubiquitous blog. Blogging has become such a mania that a new blog is being created every second of every minute of every hour of every day. We are blogging with monkeylike shamelessness about our private lives, our sex lives, our dream lives, our lack of lives, our Second Lives. At the time of writing there are fifty-three million blogs on the Internet, and this number is doubling every six months. In the time it took you to read this paragraph, ten new blogs were launched.

If we keep up this pace, there will be over five hundred million blogs by 2010, collectively corrupting and confusing popular opinion about everything from politics, to commerce, to arts and culture. Blogs have become so dizzyingly infinite that they’ve undermined our sense of what is true and what is false, what is real and what is imaginary. These days, kids can’t tell the difference between credible news by objective professional journalists and what they read on joeshmoe.blogspot.com. For these Generation Y utopians, every posting is just another person’s version of the truth; every fiction is just another person’s version of the facts.

The above excerpt from the book-The Cult of the Amateur: How Today's Internet Is Killing Our Culture is some food for thought for all of us jobless bloggers. Read this book if u can, or ask me for it...i will search for a pdf...!! :P :P

P.S. Do u agree with the author's view on internet and all the other things..?? Thanks to internet I can atleast pay my own bills..!!!

Y I am a bad influence on the opposite sex... :(
After the Rubber fiasco.....A she is trying to think too much on the sidey side. She suddenly sends me a message the other night saying
"I just discovered that if 'p' was 'b', the smiely with the tounge out, i.e :P, the smiely would not have looked so cute, see :b"
What a nice line of thinking no...?? even a simple smiely can be made an object of sexual pervertness by navie girls nowadays....c how such a bad influence i am..?? :( :(

The biggest joke and perhaps the greatest tragedy of my life...!!

Me-So what u going to give me for my 22nd birthday....
A She-Hmm....how about a scented rubber...just like kids...??!!
Me-OHHHO....!!! :O :O does it have flavor as well....!???
i ask this and fall out of my chair laughing...!!!

The poor girl said it in all her naivety and innocence....but...i do have one of the dirtiest mind of them all..!!!! And the biggest tragedy is the girl most probably did not get the reason i was laughing for....!!!

Paying the PRICE.......
Now that I am fully grown adult(at least physically), living in the big city and earning a decent amount enough to fill my stomach(and other things)....it seems insanely ridiculous when mother india asks you to pay for ice creams....!!! I mean...for 21.7 years you and father have paid for my ice creams,clothes,food,petrol,books(which i never asked you to pay for),guns and all the other things i spend on and i do not tell you about. Just because i have started earning and i dont know what to do with the money i get...does not mean i've got to pay for ice creams, the mensinakay, kotthombri soppu, the gellucil, the zenetac and all that stupid stuff! What happened to those 5rs u would give me to get all this stuff and whose change u would never get back..!?? what happened to those 2 crisp notes i used to get every 5th day of the month..??? What happened to those coins u always wondered as to where they disappeared..??
Am i paying the price for everything or am i paying the price..........????

My own BIG JOKE....!! (for ppl who understand kannada)
The other day i was in a book shop saw this guy whose name was mayil gowda. So the first thing that flashed to me was......
"what happens if this guy turns gay...??"
"he will become mayilige gowda....!!"
hahahahhaa.....all ppls muchkond laugh....!!!!

Do these things happen to every1 in the corporate world....???

Does Air conditioning make u go to the restroom more than 5 times a day?? And everytime you leave, ur manager is not there but everytime u come back he/she is always there...???

Everytime you go the pantry only then the coffee is over.
Everytime you to go have lunch to the food court, there is a big queue or there is nothing at all...???
Everytime you are early there is no work but anytime u are late there its as if the sky is falling down..
Everyday u get ur badge no one notices it but everytime u forget it the whole world notices it...???

Things I am trying to "unlearn" in the big city corporate world.
I hate my pre-school teachers...no i really do hate them....!! Did u know that in the big city corporate world, while spelling out ur name or anything for that matter, u are not supposed to use things like D for Dog or P for Pot....it is supposed to be derogative....!!!! I mean just imagine this..u are spelling out something to some1 and just like that u have to use something else for D other than dog. D for dog becomes D for delta, P for pot becomes P for papa and C for cat becomes C for charlie...!!
Just list out what u can come up just-like-that for these letters other than what was/is thought to us conventionally from pre school.

S for.....??
C for.....??
F for.....??
B for....??

Am I the only person to have a dirty mind or do all of u have a dirty mind as well..!?!?!

My first Office Romance.....

There is this girl who comes to relieve me....we exchange the initial hello's and how was ur holiday stuff and all other unwanted bitching about work. She gets up to go out somewhere, and there...just then....her hanky falls down..I am like..this is the time...all those bollywood movies are made of...!!! I am about to pick it up and give it to her and start all those things that happens in those movies...and she turns around to say..."hey...i think i dropped my hanky..did u c it..."
I am like..."yeah...i think its there...." She takes it and I say bye and leave.....and thats how my bollywood style romance ended....!!! Y do these dumb bollywood movies show all this nonsense...!!!! :( :( :(

My observations on the opposite sex in the big city corporate world...
It has been more than a week since ive been in the corporate world of the big city. Since sitting on my ass for 8hrs straight and doing nothing did not feel exciting enough, i thought of analyzing all the "items" of the opposite sex very inconspicuously and i came up with this.....

1.The Bigger city girl who has moved into the Big city.
This girl forms the upper echelon of the "item" strata. Normally you would associate this girl with those high end pubs in the big city and in whose hands there are always 5 things-
Purse,a flashy cellphone,her ID,a pack of imported/supposedly less harmful cigerattes and a extremely costly but stylish lighter.
It is this girl who garners the most attention in office/the food court, always wears the tightest pants and who always looks like she has walked out of a 2nd hand fashion magazine

2. The born and bought up in the big city girl who wants to be like the bigger city girl.
This girl is one of ur quintessential waanabess. Her pant gets tighter every day, her skirts get shorter everyday and her accent gets more "yankeed" everyday.This girl does not hesitate to swipe her card anywhere and everywhere.This girl thinks mall trotting every weekend is the second coolest thing to do after trying to flirt with male co-workers. But all it takes is one look and u come to know she is just another big city girl who attends slimming and aerobic classes to fit into those tight pants and is not very successful in her attempts at attaining size 0.

3.The small city girl who will always remain a small city girl.
She is one of those girls who ur mother will like. Not too jazzy not to dumb, does her work as always and goes straight home. Even though she always wants to be like a big city girl, she is never gonna admit it and will leave no stone un-turned in trying to comment on the big city girl in a very subtle way. This girl also goes mall hopping but only once a month.

4.The small/big city/bigger city girl who has suddenly turned rich (or so she thinks)
She forms the scum of all the "items". She is the girl who has suddenly money on her hands thanks to the high dollar rate in our country. She is one girl who has seen the credit card first and the ATM card next. She is the girl who after 21 yrs has suddenly found out that her father is the most dumbest person on earth cause he did not have a credit card.This girl will buy paper backs only to keep it in her book shelf but never read it. This girl will try and converse in english even though she does not know the difference between chick and chic. She will try to show the world that she has had a string of boy friends while in reality her boss would have been the first male outside the family she would have talked for more than 10 mins to.

5. And finally the big city girl who is so very humble u would doubt her humbleness.
This forms a very minute composition in the big city corporate world. She would have seen the big city in and out, been there done that, but never talked about that. She would have seen the money, them credit cards and those designer labels. She would have frequented the malls and have shopped till her cash ran out but never used her credit card. This girl would have read all the best books and seen the best movies but will never brag about it. She is the best person to have a sensible conversation with. But after the chat, u will always doubt her humbleness and her intellect...!!

Now to which category do u, u and u belong..!? And did i miss out on any category...????