Things that should never happen to u during the last week of december......
1.Write back to-back to -back exams, that too one in the morning and the other one in the afternoon...

2. Sit at home and blog abt nonsensical things when ur family in partying in goa.

3. Just stare at the bottles of old monk, 6 flavours of smirnoff, the coconut Fenny , 2 bottles VAT 69 and the goan wine that ur father brings back from goa and not show any signs of interest on ur face...

4. Try to be happy after getting ONE MORE, ONE MORE..!! SOOOOO come-ya go-ya ish goa t-shirt with all those dolphins and coconut tress that fade away after the first wash.

5. Get constipated after eating half a KG of goan cashew...

6. And finally try to digest HYDRAULICS AND PNEUMATICS on the new years eve when the rest of the world is drowning in all kinds of fluids........
chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy...............!!!!

To B or not to B B-schooled...??
Yesterday night i get this forward....
ECONOMICS TEACHER-"give me an example of a complete business failure due to negligence.."
Santa-A PREGNANT PROSTITUTE...

U c....as most final year engineering students are BIG B-school aspirants..... me also being officially in the final year...thought of aspiring to get into a B-school.So, i thought about the joke in a very B-SCHOOL ASPIRANTISH way.(its a different story altogether that i did not take up the CAT...and ironically my mother teaches MBA aspirants....ad bere vishya bidi..)
Now say, the teacher asks santa for an explanation.....In the typical B-school way(not the blazer wearing, laptop carrying, come YA go YA way).As i cant put up a power point presentation on a blog u c, so...

*What is the CORE COMPETENCY of this Business...??
Utility-Utility theory explains consumer tastes and preferences. Consumers purchase those things that give them satisfaction or utility. As a consumer consumes more of any one product, other goods and services look more desirable. As one consumes more of a product, smaller and smaller increments of pleasure or satisfaction come from it. The law of diminishing marginal utility underlies the law of demand.

*How do u define this BUSINESS..??
This business is a Joint float-An arrangement by which a group of currencies(people) maintain a fixed relationship relative to each other, but move jointly relative to another currency(people) in response to supply and demand conditions in the market.

*What are the Worst Case Scenarios present..??
dirty float-A type of floating exchange rate that is not completely freely floating because central banks(read pimps and madams) intervene from time to time to alter the rate from its free-market level. It is still a floating rate because it has not been pegged at a predetermined par value.

*What is the Driving force in this business..??
To monetize-To convert assets into money

*What is the greatest threat and what may be its outcome..???
Multilateralism-An international policy intended to free international trade from the restrictions of bilateralism. Multilateralism represents an effort to permit nations(people) to specialize in production and exchange in accordance with the principle of comparative advantage.
*Multulateralism leads to-
*moral hazard-The risk that a party to a transaction has not entered into a contract in good faith, has provided misleading information about its(her) assets, liabilities, or capacity, or has an incentive to take unusual risks in a desperate attempt to earn a profit before the contract settles.

What are the outcomes of the business failure...??
A pregnant prostitute goes thru INFLATION-both physically and physiologicaly.So, as in all businesses, she has her CYCLE of inflation and deflation
frictional unemployment-Short-term joblessness associated with mobility.(Literally...!!)

*What can be done to find out the DEFAULTER...??
Check credit history (A record of how a person has borrowed and repaid debt.)

*What happens to the business..??
Recession-A significant decline in general economic activity extending over a period of time.

*How do u overcome these failures and what are the options during the failure period..??
Learn from mistakes.Always sing relevant songs(yeh kya huan....kab hua..kyun hua..?? remember the ad..?)
Options during failure period- BLOW away your problems and TURN AROUND your failures into success...!!

P.S. dear "readers", please tell will i be a good b-schooler...??
P.S.2 to whom so ever it may concern...thumbaaaa thanks for the message...i know u will read this post someday and go pink and will never ever send me anymore forwards...!!
P.S.3 For the curious, all the above mentioned terms are got from here. Please do not think that i knew all these terms before...!!

Y VIVA...!??
It was the last lab exam of my engineered engineering(hopefully... i think i will get thru). Had mugged up the formulas, the tabular coloumns and all the other shit. Exam was at 10 in the morning....i go to college at 9, people are furiously revising, re-revising, re-re-revising. I go to a relatively so called "AVERAGE" guy and ask him "oodidya?" (have u studied?). He says "ok ok, parvaagilla ".I ask him for his record book as i hardly have written anything in mine. I glance thru it, and suddenly I find 4 formulas which i never knew existed. Somehow i manage to mug those formulas as well. Its time.. I pray that i somehow get a very easy experiment and i pass.
The exam starts at 10.30, I get 2 decent experiments. I try and complete them. Its finally time for my VIVA (a sort of a ORAL test sort of a shit). I go and sit in front of the external examiner with my most innocent and childish posture.And, it starts off....my most humiliating VIVA ever..

Extern-yenappa nin hesaru? (whats ur name?)
me-nikhil sir
Extern-hometown?
Me-Mysooru only sir..
Extern-hmm....appa yen kelsa madthare? (where does ur father work?)
me- HR in some factory sir..
Extern- Nodidya avara factory? (have u seen his factory?)
me- yes sir.

Extern-hmm....logarithmic decrement andre yenu..?? (what is logrithmic decrement?)
me-hmm...hmm....(smile).. donn..gothilla sir..
Extern- adara graph bari nodona... ( write its graph)
me- hmm....(draw 2 lines....stop..) sir logarithmic decrement means the logarithmic ratio of 2 successive amplitudes sir..
Extern- (nodding his head)gothalla....now write the graph..
me- donno sir...(again smile)
Extern-Vibrations passa..???
Me-(shaking shaking head) hun sir passss....

Extern-appa gaadi tekotidaraa..? (father got u a vehicle??)
me-yes sir
Extern-yaavdu? (which?)
me-Yamaha
Extern- (cynically smiling) dina adralli joooom antha barthya..?? (everyday coming fast on that)
me-yeno barthini sir. ( i somehow come sir)
Extern- mane yelli...yesht doora illinda? (where is ur house and how far is it from here??)
me- in vijaynagar sir, arnd 20-21 kms to and fro..
Extern- ashtdoordinda bandu yen maadthay college alli..? (coming from so far what u do in coll?)
me-(looking at my answer sheet) hmm...hmmmm.. (smile smile)
Extern-placement aaitha..
me-illa sir
Extern-hmmm..... ninna experiment alli a fringe formation ge yeen anthare....??
me-fringes are formed due to stresses acting because of the load sir.
Extern- I know that.... what are the formations called.
Me- Fringes sir.
Extern- oodidya...?? (studied??)
Me- illa sir.' (no sir)
Extern-yenu gothilavallao....fail maadla..?? (u donno anything...shall i fail u??)
me-(smile smile smile)

Extern-nimma appanige hela neenu yenu oodolla bari beedi sutthya anthya...?? (shall i tell ur father that u dont study and only loaf around?)
Me-(smile smile) beda sir. (no sir)
Extern-what are the different types of governors...??
Me- gothilla sir. (donno sir)
Extern-y are governors used.?
Me-for speed control sir.
Extern-how they control speed..??
Me-donno sir..
Extern-ninage yeenu gothilla.....thats y u still not placed...sari now hoogu...
Me-thanku sir...

*runs away before the internal examiner asks anything*
*the attender asks for my record....like a fool i give it to him....later i realize that MY record will be used as a reference for the juniors...god save them....*

CHALI CHALI THAALENU EE CHALIYA....AHA.....OHO...

Its almost the end of the year and its chali chali in namma mysooru.... Here are some pics I took.
Camera-Fathers Grey Market Sony Ericson k350-I mobile phone VGA camera
Locale- Namma mane garden.
Pics By- Yours truly of course...!!

Colour colour kempu colour ............. and .......................... 2 hibiscus



Nee mudida mallige hoovina maale......... and.......... Nee mudida mallige hoovina maale..2

Bed of JASMIIIIINE FLOWEEERS.........and...........NO NAME FLOWWWER BUNCH...




NO NAME SMALL SMALL FLOWWWERS.. .....and.......BUDDING 2 BUDS.....

ROOTS
You don't have to be American to appreciate this.....!!
This is one book which every1 should to read to realise what upbringing gives us, what our culture teaches us, and what we teach others. I got a original paper back edition for 80rs on the roadside...!! Any1 wants it I will be glad to lend it to him/her, provided, I get it back safely...!!

It had been more than a week....I had blatantly ignored her, had not even gone near her. She was standing there as always, gentle yet commanding, slim yet powerful. She was standing there.... I went near her, she was not disturbed by my presence, I rather felt that she was expecting me. I stood there looking at her for a minute, soaking in the feeling of being beside her..... then... I touched her.... I almost shivered.... it was too much for me.... 1 week was too long a time for any man....let alone me..... in the blink of an eye I was on top of her..... She was a little nervous in the beginning, a little unwilling to react... slowly she was coming to life.... I was coming to life as well.....this was it.... 1 week was too long......SHIT.... I had forgotten my protection...!!! I rushed back...put it on and was on top her of again... this time she was alive and kicking....we rode along comparatively slowly after the start... then we rode on faster...and faster.... I felt her shuddering under my legs.... I had reached the limit...I had to let go..... this was it..... this was it.....





I let go of the accelerator and slowly me and my bike decelerated.....
Thats the pleasure of riding a 2 stroke 4 speed RX135...An RX-er for LIFE.......
And WHAT WERE YOU SICKOS THINKING...!!!!???????? I may have turned 21 yesterday, but that does'nt mean I misuse my fundamental rights.....!!!!!

P.S. The pic is of some other bike......my bike also is the same colour and make....it only needs a paint job and a change of clutch plates....can some1 sponsor them to me...!??

P.S.2. For ppl who wished me on my birthday, thank u...!! for ppl who did not wish me...THUMBA THANKS....!!!!

P.S.3 I will be very happy to take any1 on a ride on my RX...(will be happier if it is a person of the opposite sex..!! :D )

It revealed more than what it hid.....
Just another ride after dropping off my mother to the bus stand. Its 12.45 and unusually hot for a december afternoon. Waiting for the signal to turn green, I see a woman clad in a burka and a hijab walk past me. Fortunately for me or unfortunately for her, the hijab and the burka failed to serve their purpose. The strands of hair fluttered in the dusty wind, her copper coloured hand straightened it out, she adjusted her burka a little, and walked past me,the sway of her hips revealed her feminity which no tube top or low strung jeans could have matched. The light changed from red to green, I was still standing where i was, a shrill horn made me accelerate, I was just in time to catch up with her, I was about to turn and catch a glimpse of her face, and then i realized, why spoil the romance...!???
Did I see her hips sway because i am me, or did she just walk that way...?? Did I see what she wanted me to see, or did I see what I wanted to see...??

I waited for the light to turn green........in another signal, on another day....

PRO-JEKT (for some reason i like 'K' more than 'C' )-2
Off late as I'm trying to be very bollywoodish, and in trying to keep the tradition alive, here is a sequel or a "part 2" as some might like to call it of my "overtly hyped post".
Little did I know the importance of a projekt and the seriousness of it is settling in now. And i'm still the dumbest of the dumbest in the group, the last one to know about the "new" projekt, and, hate the projekt co-guide because of his wonderfully shaped pot belly. And what are we supposes to do..?? A SOLAR COOKER........sounds exciting for a guy who knows only how to cook maggi.......


The Thinker.
Still obsessed with pink floyd, gurucharan das and led zeplin, this guy gets a brain wave after listening to "crazy diamond" and comes up with the idea of doing something using solar energy.... agreed his name means something very integral in the water cycle, but DUDE......the subject ain't even ur elective...!!!! Who gave u the idea of COOKING UP something using sunlight. No wonder ur favorite sign off thing is SHINE ON....
SHINE ON U CRAZY *&^#*$#*^*^@((*^#

The Talker.
3 more strands of hair on a almost bald man's head does things to him, it really does. The solar cooker is sooooooooooo very interesting to this guy thanks to his immense appetite and immenser interest in food. He still is the second brainiest guy in the group and thanks to him the canteen is in business still even in the holidays.

The Smoker.
The light at the end of his cigarette has ignited his mind (APJ.AK be blessed)......it literally has. He suddenly seems to know more about the projekt than any1 of us and the guy cleared one subject in revals which makes my count 1 less. And for the record, he has stopped selling spice sim cards as he is quite a rich man now........

The FUC***
He still is like the most un-interested,un-involved person in the group. He still gives ideas and advice to other people on their projekts. He still hasn't got a job and is hopelessly jobless.He is again broke and has exactly 90rs in his purse this time. He has a shave every day now for absolutely no reason. He is still the same FUC*** up guy even after he has got a projekt and is slightly interested in it. And he still still still doesn't get more than 10 comments by different people in his blog...!!!

P.S. These are the ramblings of a demented mind and the protagoinsits/readers are told not to view the comments made by this demented mind seriously.....after all the mind is still a 6yr olds....!!

SALVATION
"Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time....."
P.S.i am waiting too...!!

Naanu nanna DARLINGUU (me and my darling)
STOP.......even before u perverts start assuming that I'm gonna put a video of those navel kissing scenes of ravichandran with disco shanti/silk smitha from 90's kannada movies or put up a pic of a girl.....STOP....I am not a pervert like u....

I am talking abt the TV remote... Come to think of it, the remote behaves just like a girl.(its a diff matter altogether that the remote is straight and long and please, u perverts stop getting ideas abt its gender).
U always want the remote when any1 is watching the tv, U always keep fidgeting with the remote, the remote is the main cause for fights within the family, u show all ur frustrations on the remote and throw it around, u wont find the remote when u urgently need it, if the remote doesn't work for a single day, u go insane, the remote stops working when u want to urgently change the channel cause ur mother enters the scene and u don't want her to watch the channel u r watching, u cant possibly live without a remote and.. if the remote is beyond repair....u can always get a new one....!!! The only exception though is that once u can replace old batteries of a remote....but......!!! :)

DABBA BUGGERS/BUGGERANIS.......
you ppls did not give me good answers to the questions i asked.....and i wasnt even selected for the GD.... che/chay...!!!no one gets the attractive prize and i am not writing any other company till i pass all my exams....
pbhhhhhtttttttttt....

Ladiessssss and Gentlemens please answer these questions.
These were the questions I was supposed to answer while filling out a form for a company.dayavittu answer maadi please...

*Describe a challenging project or a seemingly impossible task which you have undertaken. What was the outcome? (maximum 500 characters)
I am trying to finish my engineering this year only, whats more challenging than that...!???

*At times, many of us are caught in a situation of moral conflict, where we have to choose between two seemingly right alternatives. Give us one situation when you faced this conflict. How did you resolve it? (maximum 500 characters)
I am supposed to be the most IMMORALISTIC person on earth....how can i answer this..!?

*Sometimes, we may find a group of people disagreeing with our beliefs/point of view. Give us an instance where you had to convince a group of people on your point of view. (maximum 500 characters)
Point of view..AHEM......

last one......i promise..

*Add anything about yourself, which would be helpful by way of amplification or comment. (maximum 200 characters)

People with the most politically correct answers will win ATTRACTIVE PRIZES if i ever get into this company.

MISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS-BHA....
Y do u always keep missing out BA..!? Luck ran u out the other day and u missed finishing the match....and y did u have to do a tap dance today and run ur self out when u had painstakingly scored 82 out of some 239649278364 balls.....!!!!?? :( :( U are 33, time is running out man.....!! Hope u score a century next time.....!!!

LAXMAN....
Show that bastard "some1" his place...

SHOAIB....
As Asif is not there for u to HIT on him, u can try and hit the deck for a change....

Munaf....
Will u promise me u will play the whole series and pass the fitness test each time..!? If u do this, I promise u that I will pass in all my papers this time...!!!

Dear readers, please pray for the above 4 ppl so that we can c a GREAT, and I mean A great test match.
P.S. Also pray for me so that I pass in all my papers this time and not be kicked out of my house....!! PEACE...

My nose job.
NO....i am not following ambika soni's footsteps and neither do i know what rhinoplasty is.
I have a TERRIBLE cold and my nose looks as if its had kiss from the botoxed lips of rakhi sawant.
My right nostril has increased in diameter by 1/4th of an inch and the other nostril has shrunk in unequal proportions.
I pity my father's hanky ( as i normally don't use one) as it has to bear all my slimey, sticky (sometimes syrupy) mucus. Every 5mins the poor hanky travels deep inside my nose to relive me of my "FLUID "[:P]. My poor pillow acts as a substitute for the hanky and faces the danger of being "STAINED" [:P]
And......NEVER EVER eat a CHEESE BURGER costing 45rs, eat1/2 a plate EXTRA SPICED GOBI MANCHIRI costing 6rs, 200gms ofJELABI without paying for it, 1/2 of jeera rice and 1/2 lota filter coffee with a blocked nose... and go BROKE after that....!!!

P.S. I still have a cold and coldarin/vicks action 500 doesn't seem to work...what do i do..!?

Those small pleasures


Diwali just ended and the only question everyone asked me was "Did you burst crackers this time??". Most people of my age think that bursting crackers after a certain age is immature and childish.Its quite not upto "their" standards to burst crackers after becoming "Adults". All of a sudden "they" become environmental friendly and start the "I am the next Menaka Gandhi" campaign. "These" people fail to experience the big pleasures hidden in these small things.
Watching a rocket fly high in the sky, throwing a lighted Bbijli cracker in the air and watch it burst, lighting an atom bomb and waiting for it to explode, the feeling of euphoria after hearing a 10000 wala burst, convincing a kid that there is nothing dangerous in bursting a cracker, pestering your parents for more crackers. I could and still can experience humble pleasures from all these small,so called "insignificant" and "childish" things.As for "those" people, they can't even enjoy these humble pleasures even if they want to and search for it,as they are very "mature" and "cultured", unlike me.

350 reasons as to y I go more insane by the day.

1.I watch "laaga chunari mein daag" in fast forward at 12 in the night.( believe me, there was no chunari and no daag anywhere on it...).It is the next most pathetic movie i've ever watched after "aafrica dalli sheela" and "kaal".All I could comprehend from the movie was:-
* All advertising men drop meyonese on themselves while eating burgers.
* All whores who know hanuman chaalisa end up marrying a man whom they have met in swizerland.
*Konkana Sen Sharma looks pretty in a skirt too.

2. At 21, i get the kicks out of lighting bijli crackers in my hand, throwing them in the air and watch them burst.

3. Its 1.15 in the night and I treat myself to some delicious home made chocolates on hearing that Anil Kumble has been made the next Indian test captain.

4.I am so jobless that I blog at 1.20 in the night.

5. And i've forgotten the remaining 345 reasons as to y I go insaner by the day.
PEACE

I am a.....
11.30 on a sunday morning and the jobless me takes this test which tells me I am a emo kid. If you are utterly jobless as me, then i suggest you take up the test as well and leave your results on my comments.
P.S. This test proves to the readers that I am not arrogant and rational... [:P].This test also gives you an idea about with whom you can probably get along with.So if I am "THE ONE", please email me at nkaundinya@yahoo.com
THUMBA THANKS.....

Your Score: Emo Kid

You are 0% Rational, 42% Extroverted, 14% Brutal, and 28% Arrogant.

You are the Emo Kid, best described as a quiet pussy! You tend to be an intuitive rather than a logical thinker, meaning you rely more on your feelings than your thoughts. Not only that, but you are introverted, gentle, and rather humble. You embody all the traits of the perfect emo kid. You are a push-over, an emotional thinker, gentle to the extent of absurdity, and so humble that it even makes Jesus puke. (And Jesus almost never pukes, being immortal and not requiring an act of puke to dispell toxins from his corporeal manifestation.) If you write poetry, you no doubt write angsty, syrupy lines about depression, sadness, and other such redundant states of emo-being that go something like this:

life is a spike / upon which i have impaled mysefl / fuck you dad

So, your personality is defective because you are too gentle, rather underconfident in yourself, decidely lacking in any rational thought, and also a bit too inhibited. Plus, your poetry really upsets your father.

I probably made you cry, didn't I? Fucking Emo Kid.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.

2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Smartass.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hippie, the Televangelist, and the Starving Artist.

PRO-JEKT (for some reason i like 'K' more than 'C' )
Ok....so i finally made it "officially" into my final year of engineering.Just when i try and relax the final year of my engineered engineering, suddenly some joker in the class comes up with a brain wave of starting a projekt early in this sem itself....!! Ok...you choose 4 people,form a team and search for a project....sounded simple....as i was like the dumb amongst the dumbest blokes in class...i had little choice, so i join a group of 3 highly enlightened,energetic,eccentric,enraged,endangered,enlightened (ok...i dont know any more adjectives starting from E) individuals and the 4 of us start looking for a new projekt.(the one which we were supposed to work on got scrapped thanks to one idiot who gave that idea in the first place...!!). All right,coming to the GROUP as such, 4 people who have absolutely no regard for each other and other people in general, go in search of what SUITS them rather than what they fit into.

The Thinker.
He is like supposed to be the pillar of the group (both physically and physcologicaly).The who gets in the ideas (even before we have a projekt), the MAN who leads from the front, the MAN who is gonna get into IIM-B next year, the MAN who is like the GURU.....the MAN who cant decide upon or agree to a single bloddy thing...!!

The Talker.
He is supposed to be like the FOUNDATION of the group(owing to his immense mass and a pot belly which gives a complex to all unclejis in India).Thanks to him, we go out on the pretext of searching for a projekt and return home eating masala dosas and kachori's.He talks the talk,walks the walk and hogs the hog (it doesn't rhyme,but still...).And he is like the 2nd brainest guy after the thinker in the group.

The Smoker.
He is like the un-official mascot for Goldflake Kings. He is supposed to be a little less dumber than me in academics.Given a chance he will sell a spice SIM card even to our project guide at a discounted rate even though he dosen't have a cell phone.He swings both ways (that is towards the talker and thinker) when it comes to agreeing on something.And he has like flunked the same number of subjects as i have.

The FUC***
He is like the most un-interested,un-involved person in the group.He gives ideas and advice to other people on their projekts even though he lacks one.His ideas are never agreed upon for god knows what reason.He has never met his projekt guide till date.He talks to everyone about the projekt except to his group mates. He is still hasn't got a job and is hopelessly jobless.He is again broke and has exactly 80rs in his purse.He still does not have a projekt, but he can blog about it at 12.30 in the night even though he knows he has to go to all women's college the next day on the pretext of some training he has no idea about.And he still doesn't get more than 10 comments by different people in his blog...!!!
P.S. No individuals,animals or things, living or dead were harmed during the search for a projekt by the 4 individuals.

Logic...

Of what use is the rainbow to the sky..??
What joy does it bring to make paper boats and watch them float on rain drenched roads...??
What does one get out of watching a sun set behind the hills...??
Sometimes logic seems so illogical.They say it is a soul thing, ask those people who have lost theirs....!!!

Hmm...“Someone who thinks the world is always cheating him is right. He is missing that wonderful feeling of trust in someone or something.”
-Eric Hoffer(American Writer)

And...He thought he had found the "Shining path....", little did he know that it was just a mirage..


Dark clouds still hover over.........and He thinks the grass might be greener the other side...


And HE waits for the wind to blow to set sail again......to what HE thinks are calmer seas.......
(pics by me. Taken enroute to kerla and in kerla.Click on the pics for a enlarged view)

Who is...??
Who was the second man on the moon..?? Who won the second prize in the lottery...?? Who is the runner-up in the world cup...?? They said that the winner takes the spoils....,but someone also said "The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else".
Who is a hero..?? Is he the person who conquers his urges,or is he the one who conquers his ambitions...??Every hero has a tragedy behind him....every great deed has a crime behind it...But still....we need heros.....After all,we all have an ace up our sleeves,don't we..??

And he walks again....

The man with no name walks into the sunset again
no trails left behind...only the dust to tell his story...

The wind caresses him one last time.....
and he walks again...

Some of the kid things I missed out on.....!!!!!
When I was quite young,I thought mohammad azharruddin was the greatest man alive(and i still believe he is.)The only problem was,azhar did not drink boost...!!! nor horlicks nor complan and neither did I..!!!!(ok,I drank milo because it gave the most number of freebees...!!) How i wish i could attribute all my batting prowess to a 200ml of brown slimy,stinking liquid held in a red cup...!! How I wish everytime i unzipped my pants,I could shout out to the whole world "I am a complan boy..".The increase in the decible level would be directly proportional to the increase in my manliness...!!! [:P].How I wish I grew taller,stronger and sharper(ahem...!!) and go upang-gapang-chapang (remember that shit..!??) and jump around like a kangaroo in heat with a white moushtache of horlicks(ewwww....!!).I always wished I could check- mate my opponent and say "G mane,genius" holding up a parle-g biscuit.For me,the biscuit remained the same,but the annotation for G changed to "G mane,gan**".We never used "priya gold sunflower oil" at home,or else even my class teacher would have come home to discover what my health secret was......!!!.Writing this,I realise how poor I was growing up.If i was not a boy,i would have nothing to play with.....!!!!!!! (ok..the last sentence is copied from somewhere)

CATCHER
I am about to finish the 25th chapter in this book,The catcher in the rye,which is all about this phoney people and all.The book is so goddamn funny that i laugh like a bastard while reading every chapter of it and all.I got this book after asking around for it like for some 10 years.When people say "I will get it for you as soon as I get my hands on it" that kills me....yeah it really kills me.Writing this makes feel depressed and all.You know,i feel sort of depressed when i am about to come to the ending of any book(especially if it is a pirated book.I am like this anti-piracy "and give the author his due" and all sometimes..).Its not because i don't want to the book to end and all,but,its like very depressing to give one his/her book back after enjoying the book.Its not that I don't want to give the book back and all,but,its sort of depressing to give someone a very good book which is not yours.I know i sound very corny writing this and all as its not what I write.I am not telling what I write is very moronic and all but its just that i don't write like the way I am writing this.And if some phoney says that i write well,well that kills me...it really does.....!!!
P.S.The readers (if any),this is the way catcher is written and if one has read the book,then he/she/he-she will understand what I mean to convey.The words like corny,phoney,bastard etc are taken form this book.

Oho hange...
Reality is the name we give to our disappointments.

ANNIE'S SONG (John Denver)

You fill up me senses like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses come fill me again.

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you
Come let me love you, come love me again.

...Let me give my life to you
Come let me love you, come love me again.

You fill up my senses like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses, come fill me again.

Slipping Through Your Fingers(trickbaby)

Hurrying to catch my comet
No destination shown - I wanna get on it
Taking a day trip from this tragic kingdom
Give myself a small safe taste of freedom

To live forever is my new fascination
Coming back’s my inspiration

A two-way choice. A cynic or believer
Make the wrong decision watch life slipping through your fingers

Worrying about my reputation
How I’m gonna get out this situation
Faith in control of my destiny
Nobody’s gonna get the better of me

Heyy Baby.........
The tag line goes "All men are not DOGS"... who cares?? I am still a 16 year old kid......!!!
Sajid Khans directorial has made me realize a few very important things...
*Australia is all about sexy thighs,gravity defining clevages,2 piece bikinis and horny men.
*Australian women like to sleep with men who wear teddy bear costumes (ok,where do u get them..!?)
*23 pairs of silky starlet legs and perfect neck lines in a Australian bar is the best way to shoot a music video for a movie..!!
*Dangerous liaisons happen only at posh,high fundoo punjabi weddings.
*3 men in heat can be responsible fathers after being made to do all the baby chores.
*I still have not overcome my adolescent fantasy of long legged,long haired,waxed and blue eyed blonds.
*Vidya balan looks good only in a saree and katrina kaif(sigh sigh sigh...)would have done a better role than her.
*Some kids are soooooooooooooooooo cute that they make even chauvinist pigs like me go mellow mellow and want to hug them.
*Some 100 men can go hysterical at 12 in the morning after seeing sharukh "CHAK-de" khan for 2mins on the big screen.
*AND NOT TO PURCHASE TICKETS FOR YOUR CLASSMATES WHO DO NOT PAY THE MONEY BACK...(ASSHOLES......!!!)P.s.those assholes dont even read this blog...!!!

?????????????????
Yet another day and yours truely is sitting as usual in front of the PC staring at the smudged finger prints on the 15" monitor.He has been asked to stop using GRE/CAT words in his so called blog.He obliges as dictionary.com is down for the day,and so is thesarus.com.
*He has suddenly developed a fetish for the flimsy and kinky pictures on the cover pages of james hadley chase and nick carter books.
*He thinks smileys on yahoo messenger are the next best thing invented after the internet and internet piracy.
*He thinks all spectacled girls are brainless.
*He thinks parachute advanced hair oil makes hair of all girls silky and smooth.
*He still thinks 2 of his classmates are gay.
*He thinks Azhar is the greatest batsman till today to play for india and rahul dravid is a schmuck.
*He continues to watch saregamapa and indian idol knowing very well that his favorite contestant will not win.
*He still hates shekhar on saregamapa.
*He is desperately broke again.
*He is still jobless........
*He is still thinking for a title for this post......!!!!

COACH-ed
Eons seemed to have passed since the last time I traveled to bangalore by train (thanks to the uber-costly and on time buses...!!).Off late,there seems to be a feeling of "EXPRESSED" disdain between me and the humble rattler.Be it the express or the shuttle,each train to banglore had its own cacophony of drills which made the journey more smitten from time time.
Be it the regular government employees or the blind lottery ticket seller,each had its own romance.Who can forget the alluring smell of the "MADDUR VADE" or the mad rush to get the hottest "MASALA DOSE" at the maddur railway station...?? or the ever-smiling face of the "kadale kai" vendor and his soiled yellow shirt...?? The mad hanky throwing by all the uncles to catch the window seat farthest from the toilet.... the beckoning smell of the pantry....my adolescent fantasy of a beautiful damsel sitting next to me in the train....the hatred towards the people who stood smoking near the foot-boards....the casual talk with the co passengers which in-evitabily turned towards circket....and the awkward smell of the train which seemed to stick to my clothing but which sure was "oh so indian" to me..... Typing this,I vow to take a train to bangalore the next time I go there,but alas...I will surely be TOO BUSY and will take the rickety bus to be Bangalored........!!

Road Trip....

"It is not down in any map; true places never are"

Had been on a small road trip to a place near the back waters of the Krishnaraja Sagar Dam (KRS) . Here are some snaps I took.
Here is where the venugopalswami temple was relocated from the dam which was submerged when the dam was built.The magnificent 12th century Venugopalaswamy temple, relocated on the backwaters of Hosakannabadi village is a treat to the eyes. Here are some pics of the old temple which was submerged and the same temple which has been relocated now.This relocation was possible thanks to an enterprising businessman.....!!!

The relocated and renovated Temple VS The Submerged temple



Here are some of the other snaps I clicked............!!!

He said.......

He said he was an optimist who saw a rainbow in every sky.... but he realised being colour blind was more colourfull......
He said “I'm a pessimist because of intelligence, but an optimist because of will” he was a hedonist by being human...

"I failed to match my dreams of perfection. So I rate myself on the basis of my splendid failure to do the impossible." (William Faulkner)

Pet-ER MOORE-s....
Peter Moores, England's coach, believes that stump microphones should be turned down during Tests so players can sledge each other without the audience hearing.
Ok Mr.Moores, agreed that the ENGLISH (ahem...) want more out of cricket and cricketing as compared to the usual fish and chips,the Ascot dresses,those 100 euro hats and the "oh my MOMA could Bat better than him..."s. So, to spice up your diction and the diction of your boys...here is a list of incessent chatter your players can indulge during the course of the next test match.

1. Micheal Vaughn to Zaheer...
"My daughter is older than isha sharvani......."

2.Matt prior to dinesh karthik (while karthik is batting)
"DHONI DHONI DHONI DHONI DHONI DHONI...."

3.Ian Bell to Sachin
"your bell or mine...!??"

4.Monty to dhoni..
" do u condition your facial and BODILY (read crotch) hair too..!??"

5.Peterson to Sreesanth..
"How is Andre Nel nowadays...!??"

6.Cook to Ganguly..
" People say I am charming.. I used to charm snakes for a living before..."

7. Tremlet to Jaffer (after getting jaffer out one more time )
"Is it your batting or my height that is making the difference...!?? "

8. Collingwood to Laxman..
"are you really going bald or is it because of the selectors PICKING (at) you...??"

9. Sidebottom to R.P.Singh
" FUCK YOU..." (and singh would have thought that it was an appeal...!!)

10. Finally..Mr.MOORES himself to our very YOUNG and energetic team manager ( I forgot his name btw....!!)
" Is it the english summer or do u really suffer from anorexia..!?? "

I am sooooooo jobless that i have started blogging on people whose names i cant comprehend or pronounce or spell....!! (and also i was not allowed to write yet another company on campus.... :P)

SAREGAMAPA challenge 2007....sangeet ka pratham vishwa yudh....!!!
The show which has given innumerable voices to the film industry before has this time come with something called the WORLD CUP OF SANGEET.....(our fantasy of the worldcup has surpassed cricket and is right now into music thanks to our well sponsered cricketers..!!)
Agreed that the singers are damn good and are from different parts of the globe.Agreed that listening to some of them we are taken to a completely different world all together.Accepted that the girls in the show are CHIC to say the least,and Mussarat Abbas,Raja Hassan and Amanat Ali are my favorites. BUT.....BUT......what about our esteemed GURUS......the EGOISTICAL SKEPTICAL CYNICAL MISOGYNISTIC JUDGES...!??(synonyms for egoist was got from thesaurus.com :P)

Judge 1. ISAMIL DARBAR ji













Hmm......did you find the connection between these two pictures..?? Yes it is true....!! Droopy the dog and Mr.Darbar were long lost brothers of foster fathers ho were lost in the kumbh mela 20 years ago and were reunited when they saw each other in the Gynecology Section of K.R.Hospital when both had been there to be tested for a problem with their respective Prostrates.....!!!

Judge 2. Himesh Bhaaaaaaaai.....












"Where there is faith....there is no fear...." Ever Missed the CONSTIPATED LOOK of Himesh Bhaaaaaaaaai...!?? There is an ample show of waxed chest, The CONSTIPATED LOOK and his male clevage in this show....and also his OUTBURSTS in chaste english against the other GURUS....

Judge 3. BAPPI DA


Would you like to see a oversized Bean bag decorated with all of Gulf's gold.....!?? Here it is.....the ever YELLOW Bappi Lahari.......!! He forms the missing DA in saregamapa.........!!!

Judge 4. Vishal and Shekhar


The most CIVILIZED of the lot, this pair is value for money. BUT...Vishal is partially deaf and can hear only through his right ear...(see the pic....observe the headphone...!!) and is a big loafer who knows the art of whistling....
The Mr.CUTE (sigh...sigh....sigh...and another sigh...) of the lot...Shekhar is now the crush of a million desperate...foolish immature college going girls.

Last but not the least...how can we forget MR.ADITYA NARYAN himself.....THE HOST..!!!??

The THE HUNK...(read SKUNK) of the show....With his idiotic and over the size sunglasses...to the 2 stands of hair he has painted on his chin...this GUY has managed to get kissed by a girl on the show...(sigh...sigh....sigh...sigh...and another sigh..!!) and is considered the next STAR according to HIMESH BHAAIIIII....
Finally...I am soooooo jobless that I have started to blog about Tv shows too...!!

10 things a man/would be man realises after remaining unshaven for 4 months......

# He suddenly feels important as everyone tells him to have a shave....

# Everyone stares at him for a minute longer than they should which makes him wonder whether he is unzipped or not...

# His people think that some girl has ditched him...

# A girl from another country comes forward to sponsor him for his shave after looking at his pic on orkut...!!(the girl knows who she is...!!)

#His 5 year old cousin thinks that he is older than her father...

#If he wears a cap,people brand him as HIMESH RESHAMIYA and ask wether even he has his chest waxed as Himesh and whether he will show his MALE CLEVAGE in future...!!!

#He is asked whether he is related to KAFEEL AHAMED after the Glasgow bombings...

#The invigilator in a exam hall looks at the picture in the hall ticket and him 3 times before putting his signature on the exam booklet......

# The topic of conversation on the dining table invariably turns to his beard everytime he sits down to eat...

#He is thinking of starting a community on orkut which goes as "A community against atrocities against bearded men and a fight against branding them as DEVDAS......!!"

................................................
"i missed you"
There was a pause.Then Tariq turned to her with a half grinning,half grimacing look of distaste,"what is the matter with you?"
How many times had she,Hasina and Giti said those same three words to each other,Laila wondered,said it without hesitation,after only two or three days of not seeing each other? "I missed you,Hasina.Oh,I missed you too."In Tariq's grimace,Laila learned that boys differ from girls in this regard.They didn't make a show of friendship.They felt no urge,no need,for this sort of talk.Laila imagined it had been this way for her brothers too.Boys,Laila came to see,treated friendship the way they treated the sun:its existence undisputed;its radiance best enjoyed,not beheld directly.
"i was trying to annoy you," she said.
he gave her a sidelong glance."It worked".
But she thought his grimace softened.And she thought that maybe the sunburn on his cheeks deepened momentarily.
(This is an excerpt from the book " A 1000 Splendid Suns". Hope the READERS read it..!!)

Hmm............

Some of the most beautiful things in this world...are often lost in translation...
GHAZAL is described in Arabic as "a conversation with a woman...".....It took me a long time to understand what a ghazal was.....because it took me a long time to know who the woman was.....!!!

BAN THIS.....!!!



For people who don't know what noodles is, read this.
Agreed that instant NOODLES is the greatest invention of the century for many people living alone all over the world. Agreed that even though you might hate it....absolutely loathe the sickening smell of it..or its greasy mass.....every Indian born after 1980 will have had it to fill his or her belly once or twice.For most Indians MAGGI is the only form of noodles we know and consume(much to the distaste of adults..!!) BUT....NESTLE SHOULD NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF EMPTY TEENAGE/MID 20's BELLYS.........!!!
Their latest offering....MAGGI DAL ATTA NOODLES.........(Y-U-C-K). Circumcise the person who had the idea of mixing SAMBAR(as in idly-sambar) with noodles.....!!!The inventor of this DISH must have been sodomized in his childhood in a flour mill in remote south china which must have been producing sambar powder.....!!He has taken all his wrath on poor souls like me.....!!! The thought of noodles smelling of sambar is soooooooooooo disgusting that it makes you puke and drink it down...!! It tastes like VATSHAMIGE(a sort of desi noodles) mixed with century old sambar powder topped with foul smelling rotten dal....!!! It looks like a century old dinosaur dropping which has been garnished with a few lentils......P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C....!! Nestle's idea of CHINO-CHENNIAO cuisine is blatantly disastrous and un-digestable.Readers(if any) please dont waste your money on this blasphemy.....!!!

The Chronicles of a 21year Old Car Learner....
What does a jobless/hopeless un-shaven un-haircutted (save the lingo...!!) 21 year old guy do on a fine sunny sunday morning.......!?? He is dragged away to learn how to drive a car........!!
It is supposedly supposed to be Un-manly and GAY not knowing how to drive a car being 21....!! Kids today know how to deive a 4 wheeler....so why should a MAN OF THE HOUSE not learn....!!??
So thus began EXPERIMENTS WITH TRUTH between me and Mr.Henry Fords creation...

Day 1,Scene1:The first TRUTH....
My father explains the difference between an accelerator and a clutch and how to release them simultaneously....For god's sake.... I have been driving a 2 wheeler for the past 7-8 years and know the damn difference between a clutch and an accelerator...!!! As I have taken a vow of not arguing with others,I keep mum and listen to all the "INSTRUCTIONS".Ok, now the car has started and I slowly move forward trying to control the steering in a MANLY way, all is fine upto the next curve.

Day 1,Scene2:The REALISATION....
A very neat curve lies ahead which I have passed a ZILLION times on my motorbike.Sitting behind the sinsiter looking steering wheel,I realise that Mr.Henry Ford made a grave mistake in his creation of the century....and that is he did not provide a mirror in which the driver can see all the 4 tyres....!!! For all the EDUCATION I have got in my 3 years of engineering and my so called expertise in driving two-wheelers,I suddenly forget the difference between a clutch and an accelerator.... The car suddenly moves and stops just in front of a ditch.....(the conversation and after this is for the readers(if any..!!) to comprehend...!!)

Day 2,Scene 3:The MOTHER of all problems.....
The night is fresh,the grass is green and what does the 21 year old guy do...?? Ask for a 2nd lesson in driving with his mother sitting in the rear seat...!! Everything starts of well,the TAKE OFF is neat..so is the first turn.Slowly we enter the main road,all is well..suddenly the whole of the rear portion of the car starts to VIBRATE to say the least...mother india is jumping in the seat and asking me to hand back the car to her man in shining armor for the moment....My MALE EGO and TESTOSTRONE refuse the offer and I continue my drive into the city.I hear a cry of relief/terror/excitement from the rear end every time another vehicle passes by.... and I remember those days....when I used to honk loudly on my motorbike everytime i used to pass a woman driver who was trying to learn the car...!!! The woman learner is always caught in between controlling the car...cursing/staring at me in the typical "oh u male chavunistic PIG" way...!! On top of this she is not able to get over with the schrezophenic notion of the male teacher staring at her assets.......!!! In my fantasy of trying to crush the FUNDAMENTAL FEMINIST TERRORISM on the road....I forget that there is something called a brake near my leg..........!!!!!!
(P.S. No one was hurt or opressed in my escapades....!! More EXPERIENCES will be added in my course of trying to unravel the mysteries of Mr.Fords creation...!!)

SMS-SAVE MY SOUL
Finally....I have discovered the art of being jobless.....start SMSing.....!!! The newest IN-thing for me....!! (for people who don't know....I got a mobile when I turned almost 21....think the oldest bloke to go MOBILE.....)
Ok....I agree......having a mobile for communication helps....but....HELLO......dint i hear COMMUNICATION......!?!?!? Agreed sometimes SMSing helps....connects LOVERSSSSSSS...(read it as LOV-ERSSSSS and not lovers...:P ) SMSing gets you your results...or the latest cricket score...accepted that some of the jokes/forwards sent to you are quite hilarious......BUT...HELLO...isnt there something called restrain..........!???
Some of the sms I get to read,makes me want to make me pull my hair off.....read this for starters....
"why is tabu the vector of sridevi....!??
"because sridevi made chandini and tabu made chandini bar....."
agrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh............................................................
Atleast the forwards can be deleted even before reading them....but the idiotic/pathethic/un-fathomable SMS's are seriously pain in the rear end. A guy sitting right behind you sms's you saying..."Hi..." HELLO....!!you are sitting right behind me......!!!! The best part of these sms's are always the Hi... is followed by 3 DOTs(.)..........!!!!
OK....agreed that its my mobile phone and its my desire to read or delete this messages.But,imagine those cheapos who message TV channels in the hope of their messages being displayed on the Tv screen.......!!
These are some of the tit-bits.......

This is from the kannada music channel u2.....(bono willl kill himself...!!)
"hi..prakash.....love u...ur wife...vimla" (prakash realised vimla was his wife through the TV channel......!!! The conversation reminds me of the D-grade RAVICHANDRAN-DISCO SHATHI item numbers I used to enjoy as a 15yr old........!!

DIGEST THIS....(as seen on channel V)
CUTEGIRL86:hi....any1 from noida...?? (36 is acceptable...86.........??
HUNK21:hi cutegirl86...me from chandigarh..want FRAAANDSHIP with me......??
BOYBOY:channel V rockezez and me FAN.......
(want FRAAAANDSHIP with me...?? was he constipating while sending the sms..!?? These form the HEFF (not HEP mind you..) generation...!!)

This hits the nail on the head.....!!
"I love U2 and all peopleS watching it...i want to wish my LOVE kanka happy Valens day...."
(ok...happy VALENS day kanka......St.valentine will be turning in his grave...!!)

For sms lovers/"forwarders" and readers.....criticism welcome...!!