It’s ignorance meets egoism meets bad taste meets mob rule.

T. H. Huxley, the nineteenth-century evolutionary biologist and author of the “infinite monkey theorem.” Huxley’s theory says that if you provide infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters, some monkey somewhere will eventually create a masterpiece—a play by Shakespeare, a Platonic dialogue, or an economic treatise by Adam Smith.^[1]

In the pre-Internet age, T. H. Huxley’s scenario of infinite monkeys empowered with infinite technology seemed more like a mathematical jest than a dystopian vision. But what had once appeared as a joke now seems to foretell the consequences of a flattening of culture that is blurring the lines between traditional audience and author, creator and consumer, expert and amateur. This is no laughing matter.

Today’s technology hooks all those monkeys up with all those typewriters. Except in our Web 2.0 world, the typewriters aren’t quite typewriters, but rather networked personal computers, and the monkeys aren’t quite monkeys, but rather Internet users. And instead of creating masterpieces, these millions and millions of exuberant monkeys—many with no more talent in the creative arts than our primate cousins—are creating an endless digital forest of mediocrity. For today’s amateur monkeys can use their networked computers to publish everything from uninformed political commentary, to unseemly home videos, to embarrassingly amateurish music, to unreadable poems, reviews, essays, and novels.

At the heart of this infinite monkey experiment in self-publishing is the Internet diary, the ubiquitous blog. Blogging has become such a mania that a new blog is being created every second of every minute of every hour of every day. We are blogging with monkeylike shamelessness about our private lives, our sex lives, our dream lives, our lack of lives, our Second Lives. At the time of writing there are fifty-three million blogs on the Internet, and this number is doubling every six months. In the time it took you to read this paragraph, ten new blogs were launched.

If we keep up this pace, there will be over five hundred million blogs by 2010, collectively corrupting and confusing popular opinion about everything from politics, to commerce, to arts and culture. Blogs have become so dizzyingly infinite that they’ve undermined our sense of what is true and what is false, what is real and what is imaginary. These days, kids can’t tell the difference between credible news by objective professional journalists and what they read on joeshmoe.blogspot.com. For these Generation Y utopians, every posting is just another person’s version of the truth; every fiction is just another person’s version of the facts.

The above excerpt from the book-The Cult of the Amateur: How Today's Internet Is Killing Our Culture is some food for thought for all of us jobless bloggers. Read this book if u can, or ask me for it...i will search for a pdf...!! :P :P

P.S. Do u agree with the author's view on internet and all the other things..?? Thanks to internet I can atleast pay my own bills..!!!

Y I am a bad influence on the opposite sex... :(
After the Rubber fiasco.....A she is trying to think too much on the sidey side. She suddenly sends me a message the other night saying
"I just discovered that if 'p' was 'b', the smiely with the tounge out, i.e :P, the smiely would not have looked so cute, see :b"
What a nice line of thinking no...?? even a simple smiely can be made an object of sexual pervertness by navie girls nowadays....c how such a bad influence i am..?? :( :(

The biggest joke and perhaps the greatest tragedy of my life...!!

Me-So what u going to give me for my 22nd birthday....
A She-Hmm....how about a scented rubber...just like kids...??!!
Me-OHHHO....!!! :O :O does it have flavor as well....!???
i ask this and fall out of my chair laughing...!!!

The poor girl said it in all her naivety and innocence....but...i do have one of the dirtiest mind of them all..!!!! And the biggest tragedy is the girl most probably did not get the reason i was laughing for....!!!

Paying the PRICE.......
Now that I am fully grown adult(at least physically), living in the big city and earning a decent amount enough to fill my stomach(and other things)....it seems insanely ridiculous when mother india asks you to pay for ice creams....!!! I mean...for 21.7 years you and father have paid for my ice creams,clothes,food,petrol,books(which i never asked you to pay for),guns and all the other things i spend on and i do not tell you about. Just because i have started earning and i dont know what to do with the money i get...does not mean i've got to pay for ice creams, the mensinakay, kotthombri soppu, the gellucil, the zenetac and all that stupid stuff! What happened to those 5rs u would give me to get all this stuff and whose change u would never get back..!?? what happened to those 2 crisp notes i used to get every 5th day of the month..??? What happened to those coins u always wondered as to where they disappeared..??
Am i paying the price for everything or am i paying the price..........????

My own BIG JOKE....!! (for ppl who understand kannada)
The other day i was in a book shop saw this guy whose name was mayil gowda. So the first thing that flashed to me was......
"what happens if this guy turns gay...??"
"he will become mayilige gowda....!!"
hahahahhaa.....all ppls muchkond laugh....!!!!

Do these things happen to every1 in the corporate world....???

Does Air conditioning make u go to the restroom more than 5 times a day?? And everytime you leave, ur manager is not there but everytime u come back he/she is always there...???

Everytime you go the pantry only then the coffee is over.
Everytime you to go have lunch to the food court, there is a big queue or there is nothing at all...???
Everytime you are early there is no work but anytime u are late there its as if the sky is falling down..
Everyday u get ur badge no one notices it but everytime u forget it the whole world notices it...???

Things I am trying to "unlearn" in the big city corporate world.
I hate my pre-school teachers...no i really do hate them....!! Did u know that in the big city corporate world, while spelling out ur name or anything for that matter, u are not supposed to use things like D for Dog or P for Pot....it is supposed to be derogative....!!!! I mean just imagine this..u are spelling out something to some1 and just like that u have to use something else for D other than dog. D for dog becomes D for delta, P for pot becomes P for papa and C for cat becomes C for charlie...!!
Just list out what u can come up just-like-that for these letters other than what was/is thought to us conventionally from pre school.

S for.....??
C for.....??
F for.....??
B for....??

Am I the only person to have a dirty mind or do all of u have a dirty mind as well..!?!?!

My first Office Romance.....

There is this girl who comes to relieve me....we exchange the initial hello's and how was ur holiday stuff and all other unwanted bitching about work. She gets up to go out somewhere, and there...just then....her hanky falls down..I am like..this is the time...all those bollywood movies are made of...!!! I am about to pick it up and give it to her and start all those things that happens in those movies...and she turns around to say..."hey...i think i dropped my hanky..did u c it..."
I am like..."yeah...i think its there...." She takes it and I say bye and leave.....and thats how my bollywood style romance ended....!!! Y do these dumb bollywood movies show all this nonsense...!!!! :( :( :(

My observations on the opposite sex in the big city corporate world...
It has been more than a week since ive been in the corporate world of the big city. Since sitting on my ass for 8hrs straight and doing nothing did not feel exciting enough, i thought of analyzing all the "items" of the opposite sex very inconspicuously and i came up with this.....

1.The Bigger city girl who has moved into the Big city.
This girl forms the upper echelon of the "item" strata. Normally you would associate this girl with those high end pubs in the big city and in whose hands there are always 5 things-
Purse,a flashy cellphone,her ID,a pack of imported/supposedly less harmful cigerattes and a extremely costly but stylish lighter.
It is this girl who garners the most attention in office/the food court, always wears the tightest pants and who always looks like she has walked out of a 2nd hand fashion magazine

2. The born and bought up in the big city girl who wants to be like the bigger city girl.
This girl is one of ur quintessential waanabess. Her pant gets tighter every day, her skirts get shorter everyday and her accent gets more "yankeed" everyday.This girl does not hesitate to swipe her card anywhere and everywhere.This girl thinks mall trotting every weekend is the second coolest thing to do after trying to flirt with male co-workers. But all it takes is one look and u come to know she is just another big city girl who attends slimming and aerobic classes to fit into those tight pants and is not very successful in her attempts at attaining size 0.

3.The small city girl who will always remain a small city girl.
She is one of those girls who ur mother will like. Not too jazzy not to dumb, does her work as always and goes straight home. Even though she always wants to be like a big city girl, she is never gonna admit it and will leave no stone un-turned in trying to comment on the big city girl in a very subtle way. This girl also goes mall hopping but only once a month.

4.The small/big city/bigger city girl who has suddenly turned rich (or so she thinks)
She forms the scum of all the "items". She is the girl who has suddenly money on her hands thanks to the high dollar rate in our country. She is one girl who has seen the credit card first and the ATM card next. She is the girl who after 21 yrs has suddenly found out that her father is the most dumbest person on earth cause he did not have a credit card.This girl will buy paper backs only to keep it in her book shelf but never read it. This girl will try and converse in english even though she does not know the difference between chick and chic. She will try to show the world that she has had a string of boy friends while in reality her boss would have been the first male outside the family she would have talked for more than 10 mins to.

5. And finally the big city girl who is so very humble u would doubt her humbleness.
This forms a very minute composition in the big city corporate world. She would have seen the big city in and out, been there done that, but never talked about that. She would have seen the money, them credit cards and those designer labels. She would have frequented the malls and have shopped till her cash ran out but never used her credit card. This girl would have read all the best books and seen the best movies but will never brag about it. She is the best person to have a sensible conversation with. But after the chat, u will always doubt her humbleness and her intellect...!!

Now to which category do u, u and u belong..!? And did i miss out on any category...????

Yeah Yeah.....
Yeah....the lazy ass started working....!! I know it sounds funny..but yeah....i am supposed to be working...if u consider sitting on ur bum for 8hrs doing nothing and listening to "team mates" about software...well i am working.
Hey..but do i need to be complaining..!??? every person i met b4 i started work told me that work was a bitch and i needed to njoy life more. Well i do not know abt work being a bitch, but i seriously think i barked/squealed/howled the wrong tree...!!
How many of u get paid for chatting...?? i get paid for chatting..!!!!
How many of u ppl at this day and age still use the notepad on XP..!?? i use and i get paid for it...!!
How many of u are given a debit card and a bank account with 0 rupees in it...!!??
And finally....how many of u do not know who ur boss is...!??

Not At all ON....!!!
Me and 12 year old brother india are watching a decent enough song on Mtv. There is tickr which always scrolls on the bottom of the screen and carries spoofs of popular hindi movies.Today it was about the movie "ROCK ON". It said,

Q."What will the porno version of ROCK ON be called?"

A."HARD ON" :)

thats what appeared and 12 yr old brother india asks me what "HARD ON" means...!!!!!
Believe me when i say ive explained more deeper anatomical things to girls of my age and some times of boys of my age too. But...this was...i donno....I was in-explainable to my own brother...!!! Thankfully the next scroll was

Q."If the movie was about a girl band, what would it be called?"

A. "FROCK ON"

Reading this 12 yr old brother india and me laughed "HA HA HA" and hopefully he forgot about the HARD ON stuff....!!!!

P.S Sadhya he did not ask me what porno meant...!!!

P.S.2 what am i gonna answer the next time if he asks me something as deeply, broadly and HARD-ly anatomical as this..!?!? please help..thumba thanks..!!!

I am ashamed to say this...but........
Just yesterday, a 20 something girl met with quite an accident near my house. Leaving the sequence of the accident apart, i ran to c what happened and saw that the lady was quite hurt in the face and was in a state of shock. She was in quite a mess and thankfully an auto arrived just in time. The only problem was, none of the bystanders, who were all incidentally men, were ready to pick her up and put her in the auto just for the fact that she was a girl....!!!! Most of them were apprehensive to even touch the girl. I am trying to lift that girl up and not a single person around was ready to help..!!! thankfully there were some level headed people around including my mother who lifted her up, put her into an auto and took her to the hospital.

Leaving all this apart, i told the same story to 3 of my friends on 3 different occasions (who were incidentally boys/men) and their first reaction was " was the girl good looking"..!!?? I was like what the fuckkkk...!!!!! a 20 something girl is lying on the road with blood all over her face and i am supposed to judge whether she was good looking or not and check her out..!!!?!??!?!
FOR ALL MY TESTOSTERONE , I NEVER EVEN LOOKED AT HER FACE(or any other part of her anatomy) PROPERLY......!!! And then this guy tells me a great idea... "dude...u should have gone to her house or her hospital and told her i was the one who helped , and she would have been very impressed"....!!
On second thoughts, i thought that his was a great idea....what say..!?? :P :P
Whatever said and done..i am ashamed to say this...but.....we are dogs...what say..!!???

P.S.1 Did i do a great mistake to "MAN"kind by not checking the girl out..!!??
P.S.2 I did check out one of the girls who had come to help out....she was neat a neat work of art and in 3 seconds i figured out her vital stats...does this even out my MANLINESS..!!!??
Please ppls, answer my questions as these questions are haunting me and i am having my doubts about my own hormones...!!!! please please please...!!!! thumba thanks..!!

This thing happened about an year ago...but what the hell....i remembered it now and here it is...!!
I am not a fitness freak or anything, but just because i have nothing better to do in the evenings, i go jogging on most days to a nearby lake. The lake itself is quite "scenic" to say the least with its migratory and other form of "birds". Leaving the "birds" bit apart, its a nice 4.5-5km jog/walk i enjoy for practically no reason.
Except for the occasional beautiful-girl-who-u-read-about-in-books and the boy-girl walk hand in hand and the whole world stares at them things, nothing much happens there and i c the same faces almost everyday.
And then there was this day, when it had rained just enough to take the dust of the ground, it was a sort of a make-u-feel good evening. And there i was jogging and trying to sweat it out, when all of a sudden i heard a voice which had a familiar tone to it which made me stop and turn around. And there she was....just like in her movies always smiling and her hair falling just to her shoulder, perizad zorabian....!! I just stood there like a fool shaking my head trying to clear it to make sure i was not seeing things dude excessive perspiration. But it was really her..!!
It was like a high school boy-dream come true, seeing a beautiful damsel from the movies in your city and sitting on a bench on the path where u go jogging everyday....!! I was like "dude....this is it....this is what movie like notting hill are made for" and i was about to go and talk to her when i saw a man sitting next to her who i presumed was her husband....and to my utter shock....i saw perizad was pregnant...!! I mean its not that i have never ever seen a pregnant woman or something before, its just that the idea of seeing a movie siren pregnant is not very pleasing u know...i mean...celebrity damsels like her are supposed to be ever beautiful and always in your dreams right..!?? so i continued with my jog wondering if it really was perizad zaorabian...!! Just to make sure i literally ran back to c if it was really her and even then my brain refused to believe it was really a pregnant perizad zorabian...!! I went home, googled the latest about her and found out she really was pregnant and was in her mid pregnancy and the person i saw was really her....!!

And from then on i go jogging everyday in the hope of reliving once again the high school boy-dream of seeing a beautiful movie damsel sitting there smiling with her hair let loose.....if not for reliving the boy-dream, what the hell....i always get to see those occasional "birds"..!!

You don't feel disappointed yourself, but the whole world around you feels disappointed for u.....what is this state called..!?? any answers...!?!?

Small city boy in the big city.
As I have now moved from mysore to the big city in the hope of secruing a job (or the lack of it), from now on I will run a series of posts on my experiences in the big city.
Having heard about and seen a bit myself of the wonderful traffic in the big city, I decided to take a 25 kilometer ride on a motorbike to "feel" the traffic.
The wonderful thing about the big city's roads are its pavement walls. On most of these walls u see movie posters and invariably most of these movie posters are of adult movies. Movies like "and then god made a woman", "drugs and aids", "guest house" , "insaan aur shaithan", "modala papa" and so on. And for most parts there are no actual photographs of these movies but caricatures or some sort of paintings which are kinky enough to kindle a male 2 wheeler rider's imagination who has his hands on the accelerator.
So as u c, these movie posters are the main cause of rash driving among male 2 wheeler riders in the big city.

P.S. I intend this to be funny so please laugh. Thumba thanks.
Due excessive joblessness my blogging brain cells have ceased to work. So kindly suggest some remedial measures to overcome this. Thumba thanks.

Things heard while eves dropping on 5 not so beautiful girls while waiting in a queue...
(like it wasn't technically eves dropping...i was just standing in front of them)

Girl 1-this is ur first time here..!?
Girl 2-yeah
Girl1-oh...mine is like some 3rd-4th time..i had been here while i was very young..
Girl3-like u know the story behind this thing..??
Girl4-nope....like u know...!??
Girl5-yeah...like there was this guy..and he fell in love with this girl. The problem was this girl was initially scared after seeing him, but later her dad convinced her to marry him and all.
So finally like this guy's father borrowed money from one more fellow for his son's marriage. So thats y this place came into being.
The rest of the girls in chorus-Oh yeah..now i remember...i was told abt this when i was young.
Girl5-so the moral of the story is it is good to borrow money..!!
The rest of the girls in chorus-ha ha ha ha ha....

And the queue in thirupathi inched forward.....i was trying to ask my grandmother if that story was true.....and i was trying to figure how to keep my panche(dhothi) on my waist for the rest of the time...!!

P.S-i never really got to ask my grandmother....is this story true..!?
P.S.2. The thirupathi laddos are over and please DO NOT ask me for them.
P.S.3 y will 5 girls in all their youth, vigour and vitality come to thirupati on a conducted tour like just like that...!?? (i was dragged by my family...so don't even think of asking me y i was there)

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And it happened again.

Yup....i went shopping again with the female species above 35. But unlike last time, it was to buy dresses for a 5 yr old girl. Whats the big deal in buying a kid a new dress, it should be easy.

But for a guy who has grown up mostly around chaddi,banians, pants and shirts/tshirts, buying dresses for a 5 yr old girl was quite a thing on a sunday afternoon. I was made to roam some 6 kids shops, saw like some 100 different kinds of "kids clothing" if u can call them. Things such as mini, midi, bloopers, tie ons, frilled frocks, plain frocks, shorts, skirts, wrap ons.....shit...all i knew of women's clothing were those silk,lace and leather stuff and nothing more.....!!! The best part was when mother india said "this skirt is too short". I mean, what is there to reveal or hide in a 5yr old kid...!!! And i also learned that there were 2 types of pink. The baby pink and the non baby pink. Did u know that..!?? Baby pink is supposed to be lighter and supposed to be like innocent and all and the other pink is supposed to mean something i don't-need-to-know.
We finally walked out of 6 shops with 3 dresses which i did not know names of. And i found out that a 5yr old kid's dress costs more than a pair of levis jeans....!!!

P.S. Y do i keep doing the same mistake over and over again and never learn...!??
P.S.2 what does the other pink mean...!??
P.S.3 Should i learn more about female/kid dresses and will it help me in my future "endeavors"..!??

Rickety buses, 30km cycle rides, drunk co passengers and more.
Back from a trip to hampi, badami, pattadkal, aihole and bijapur. 3 schoolmates, some fathers money to burn, and a whole lot of time to spare.Deciding all of a sudden to go to these places, we pack our bags and set off.
Thanks to the wonderful state transport system, the semi delux bus we had booked got canceled and we had to travel in a rickety, dirty and no-leg-space bus. Being in a great rush, i get out of the auto, take 2 bananas and dash for the waiting bus, only to trip on some wire and fall down..!! but thankfully i fall on my hands with bananas in them and don't hurt myself. In turn i get a sort of banana split-wide-open on my hands...!!
Ok, the bus starts and after an hour, a drunk gets in. The best part is he comes and sits in the front of us. And when the conductor asks him where is he headed, he does not know, and he blames the conductor for trying to con a drunk man....!!! Finally he gets down after he is sober and he realizes he is 2 towns away from where he originally intended to get down. The bus stops at a road side dhaba, and I, looking at the state of the dhaba, order only a single roti and my frnds say they are not hungry. After tasting it, we order 5 more and they were the best damn rotis we ever had....!!!! (and i had the least
We finally reach hampi at around 7.30 in the morning, book a room, have something and try to figure out the best modes of transportation. Being the engineers we are, and also being the environmentalists we are, we finally decide the best way is to cycle around the city with a guide book in our hand... little did we know that the city of ruins spanned 30kms and after cycling through it, we felt physically ruined...!!
The next day, we covered pattadkal and the rest very sanely in auto's and buses.On the last day we decided to see as much of bijapur as possible and take the last bus back home. As soon as we landed in bijapur, a tonga (a horse drawn carriage) fellow pounced on us and promised us to show everything thats is there to be seen in the city as soon as possible. (provided we spend only 10mins in each place that is..!! )
The "environmentalist" in the 3 of us came back to life again and we decided to go in the tonga. We spent a whole lot of time in the whispering chamber of the gol gumbuz whispering to each other from one corner to another like "couples" and wasted our time. We finally could cover only 3 places in bijapur and were back on time to catch the bus back home.
Thanks to the cycling, and the bus and tonga rides, we are yet to recover from aches in not-be-mentioned places and i am broke with exactly 90rs in my pocket..!! :(

One thing I always did not get and women i would love to eat with

When i was in school and quite young, we were told not to spit on the roads as " if u spit on the roads, insects will sit on them and those insects will sit on ur food and u will fall sick"
I always wondered as to how insects knew that I was the one who spat...??how would those insects know where to find me and come and sit on my food....!! I mean i always wondered if insects had radars or something and they knew who spat and whose food they should go and sit on...!!!
I realized what my teachers meant after a looooooooooong time...!!
And.......

Ok.....Here it is.
For people who did not know, I got a job around 10 days back and a person asked me as to y i did not blog about it.Hence this post.
Just to make sure every1 knows it, I am like the lastest person in the "institute" to get a job on campus. No...really. The interview was never as to what i expected it to be and i myself was quite surprised as to y those company people selected me...!!
After fretting about not being jobless for nearly more than a year, getting a job made me feel weird in a funny sort of way....!!! After watching most of my friends and classmates jump up in joy and have tears of happiness in their eyes after getting a job, i thought the same thing would happened to me. I saw them going to temples and pray for their good fortunes and thought i would do the same. I saw them distributing sweets and throwing parties and i thought i would do the same.
Well......nothing of that sort ever happened. I donno y but neither did i jump with joy nor have tears of happiness in my eyes. I had always imagined that i would feel on top of the world after getting a job. Nothing like that happened. I felt the same way as i felt when i had been jobless. I did not feel like throwing a party nor distributing sweets. I just.....did not feel anything..not even relief..........!!!!
People around me congratulated me....and some of their congrats surprised me cause i never expected them to do so.....I was both surprised and happy by them calling and congratulating me.....And....that was it......Four years of mechanized institutionalization has done things to me....!!! I felt no joy, no nothing after getting my first job and well.......thats how i have turned out to be after 4 years......Maybe because i feel i did not earn this job, maybe because i think i do not fit the job, maybe i am greedy for more....maybe.............??

Did u know...!??
Did u know that today was world environment day...!?? huh..did any one of u know it...!?? Well..i knew it and did a LOT to the environment..no really....
I was threatened, forced and ordered to go to the "institute" for a "program". Little did I know that it was a Tree planting program...!!! Can u believe it...?? a tree planting program when at this age I fantasize about planting seeds...!!!!! [:P] chaaaay...life isn't fair....!!!!

Fine...after spending some "quality" time with my projekt mates talking about my job prospects, we are served tea, badam milk and a FULL PACKET of PARLE-G...I mean...A FULL PACKET...!! so instead of planting saplings and watering them, we happily eat those parle G's. And please to note that my projekt mates choose badam milk over tea. So all of them dipped their biscuits into MY tea. Like just imagine 4 biscuits being dipped at the same time into 1 single paper cup of tea. Yeah....thats what happened and it was quite yucky...with drops of tea falling from 4 biscuits into the tea cup and all...and its a different thing that i finished the tea though...

After the wonderful Tea-Bang we were asked to explain things about solar cookers to school kids..... Just imagine explaining solar cookers to some 10 yr old kids who are happily gorging on parle-g biscuits. The rest of my projekt mates wonderfully escaped and i was asked to the "honors". Believe me...teaching school kids is a pain in the rear end...and teaching their teachers is a bigger pain at at the other end...!! A teacher from one of the schools started asking me questions about the cooker.....I was like...WTF...!!!?? My own HOD did not ask me any question till now on our projekt and a school teacher asks me questions which I cannot answer...!!
Finally the school kids and their teacher go away and I am left alone.
And while I was standing in the sun and explaining stuff to kids....one of my projekt mate was happily drinking mango juice at some1 else's expense.And I was promised there would be lunch and there wasn't any.......and i had to fill my stomach drinking sweet lassi which taster sour... :(

Now u recognize the environmentalist in me...!??? do u...?? do u...!?!??
Now what did you do to save the environment and make the world a better place...!??

The Bicycle Thief.
No.... I have not watched this supposedly award winning movie. Its really about a bicycle thief. Brother india's cycle went missing 2 days back. It was in the portico at 5.30, and at 6 it disappeared...And as always, I was the one who was blamed for it......!!!! It seems I did not take enough care and keep the cycle inside the house, and so because of me, some1 took the bicycle...!!!
So after all the finger pointing and shouting, yours truly sherlock holmes started deep thinking as to who can steal a cycle at 5.30 in the evening. After some deep thinking (without pipe in my mouth though) i suspected our local dhobhi....!!!
The next day we ask him has he seen our cycle and he says no. After constant bickering by brother india, mother india goes to your friendly neighborhood detective, who incidentally is an auto driver by day and sherlock holmes by night. The only reason he makes such a good detective by night is that he blends so very nicely into the night thanks to his wonderful complexion...!!! After 2 days he comes home telling that the dhobi is the one and he has the cycle. And finally we get back the bicycle in the same condition it was before. And your friendly neighborhood detective charges 250rs as his Fee........!!!!
And now we don't have a dhobi, all my clothes are un-ironed, and no other dhobi is willing to come and take the clothes out fear that even he might be blamed if anything else goes missing.....!!!

The stupidity and lameness of shopping with the female species above 35.
Life is not fair for people like me.Really,it ain't fair...!! 4 specimens from the female species above 35 promise to take me to eat out and end up taking me to westside so that they can buy over sized kurtas which fit them.I realize i am taken there only to act as a watchman cause its relatively late in the night.I am just supposed to stand there and try not to stare at the lingerie section nor at other prospective female "customers".
30 minutes into the shopping and i am still trying not to stare at anything, and out of the blue a girl from school sees me seeing something very in-appropriate and comes over to talk to me. We catch up on some old shit and she asks me with whom have i come. I try to think of something convincing and mother india walks up to her and starts talking. She again asks me with whom have i come and finally tell her. She laughs a laugh which means a lot of things. I tell her to continue her shopping and sit quietly near the billing section.
30 more minutes and the girl from school comes to the billing section, pays the bill, sees me seeing something very in-appropriate, smiles a smile which means a lot of things and goes out.
30 more minutes and the specimens from the female species above 35 finally, finally finish buying clothes which fit them and walk out.
I come home, eat curd rice and sleep. *SIGH*
And i still cant comprehend what the girl from school's laugh or smile meant.*SIGH*
P.S. The girl from school had come to shop alone in westside...can any1 tell me why any girl goes shopping alone....???

What a welding rod does to u at 12 in the night...
A collegiate fest in a very mediocre "institute". 4 people who we will call fat, fatter, dark and darkest. Dark and darkest want to participate in an event called "junkyard wars"-where in u get some scrap and construct something out of it.(4yrs of mechanized mechanical engineering and we thought we must have learn't something..!! ). Darkest spends his precious talk time and calls up fat and fatter and somehow all the 4 pool in 200rs as the entry fee and write the preliminary round. By some great miracle and some luck, the 4 ppl get selected along with 5 other teams and are given a task of designing a trebuchet. (dark did not what it meant until he saw some pics).Fat and darkest were sent to the junkyard to find some junk. Dark went home to have a cup of coffee and sleep and fatter went god-knows-where.

Every thing is set, its 8pm and fat,fatter,dark,darkest finally start out to build the trebuchet. The only problem being, dark has no clue how to start, fat is bothered abt the food, fatter and darkest argue whose design is the best.Finally they decide upon a design and they start to cut,weld,drill and mend the scarp.

About 3hrs into the "build", nothing is done except having dinner and testing out the welding machine and there enters Mr.NAMA (for ppl who donno what a nama is, its a sort of a horizontal thilak) Mr.NAMA very closely resembles borat in his pubescence . Mr.NAMA has design which dark can't comprehend and neither can darkest. Due to chance/fate/luck or some unfathomable reason, Mr.NAMA gets his hands on a welding machine.....And it began....the greatest "fuse"ing of metals mankind has ever seen..the greatest spectacle in the "institute"...Mr.NAMA and his "FUSEINGS".

10pm-Lo sishya, a swingarm thogond baaro, weld maadona... (hey dude get that swing arm, we will weld it..)

11pm-lo sishya, ee weld alli yeno problem ide..ond lap joint haaki, aa kade ond butt joint haakbidona... aamele ond tee joint haakbittre....ammele corner joint haakoke easy aagbidutthe..!! (hey dude...there is a problem in this joint..we will put 1 lap joint adn 1 butt joint, later 1 tee joint and corner joint will be easy)

12am- lo sishya, there is some problem with this welding rod, go and get a 12 gauge rod da.
(i swear i can't comprehend y all Naama's have a fad of switching over to english suddenly)

1am-lo sishya, nodamma....ee swing arm na hing turn maadona.....aamele payload na alli attach maadona..after that, i will weld the bed, aaamele aa pivot na haakbittu bittre...ball hoogbidutthe...(i cant translate this, believe me..!!)

1.30am- Fat,fatter,dark and darkest are almost done and are waiting for the welding machine to be free so that they can finish up and go home.They ask Mr.Nama to allow them to use the machine, "waa....naan yen illi tamashi maadthiddna...naan inna weld maadbeeeku," (waa am i playing here, i still have to weld here)

2am-fat,fatter,dark and darkest somehow complete the task.....plan to go home and then...Mr.nama "lo sishya, 200rs entry fee kottidakku....300rs welding kalthe ma naanu"
(dude...even if we payed 200rs as the entry fee, we have learned 300rs worth welding"

the next day morning 10am when the trebuchet's are being testing.
The judge who is 4 feet tall is asking questions to Mr.NAMA
"tel me ur design i sayyyyyyy......what did u do i sayyyyyyy.....what was the problem given to u i sayyyyyy.....tell fast i sayyyyyy"
"sir, we actually brought MS steel and GI steel as we did not find CI iron. The problem was we did not find the proper material so we calcualted a factor of safety of 2, we calculated that the payload has to 5 kgs for the projectile to go 60 feet, so we calculated the length of the swing arm needed and the fatigue strength required and the wear involved. Due to this we could get a air of around 45 feet and the spring constant K was directly proportional to the constant and the wear resistance..........
Listening to this fat, fatter, dark and darkest went home to recheck their previous marks cards to make sure they had officially passed.
Mr.Nama's team were asked to test their designs. The ball was thrown only so far as the length of Mr.Nama's nama. Fat,fatter dark and darkest were asked to test their design.The ball went flying more than 60 feet, and fat,fatter, dark and darkest were eventually declared winners.

And Mr.Nama is still trying to figure out the difference between a tee joint and his Nama...

Chaddi, banian and a broken arm.......
I don't even remember the last some1 helped me put my chaddi and banian. It must have been some 12 years ago when i was a kid (physically), not bothered about the brands of chaddi and banian i wore and not bothered who helped me into them.
But at 21, helping a 12 year old kid getting into chaddi banian is.....well...not a task to look forward to on saturday morning..!! Brother india has broken his arm.... every1 in the district is all "ayoo papa ayoo papa" towards him. Ok, breaking ur arm in the summer holls is not quite exciting...but hey...that doesn't mean every1 shoud go "ayoo papa" ALL the time...!!! Whats the big deal in wearing your own chaddi banian....its not fair...!!!! at an age when i fantasize about undressing other people....here i am, on a saturday morning, chaddi banaining a 12 year old.....!! its not fair...its not fair...its not fair....!!!

How exciting.........!!!
2.30 on a hot afternoon....three 21 year olds are pushed, coaxed and begged to be judges for a debate competition. Most of the "debaters" are a year or 2 younger, one guy is older, arrogant, assholic and taller than the 3 of us. One guy very aptly talks before the debate starts stating that all the 3 are as dumb as the contestants and have been made judges as the organizers did not find any one suitable enough. On girl in pink hands out a rose in a tray to me and one more guy (how romaaaantic no....handing out a pink rose on a tray) and says "I am from the hospitality committee,welcome ". We say " no no " but realizing later that this may be the only time ever a girl gives people like us a pink rose (on a tray or not),we accept it and keep it in our shirt pockets.(to show off to the rest of the "institute").
The debate starts, (I am still smelling the rose to make sure it is real) The first topic is "veg versus non veg"(c.....i told u it was exciting.) and then....they continued..."sania mirza is all hype" "fat people are rude" "indians are rude" "sachin deserves the bharat rathna" "cricketers are paid more" (i am still smelling the rose)....one girl speaks some sense on a topic i forgot. one guy speaks sense on a topic i again forgot....finally there is a tie between the girl and the guy. I wanted the girl to win as it was international womens day that day, my friends voted for the guy as he was good looking (and mostly gay).
Finally the guy won. (claps claps) and I got a treat from him saying that it was i who made him win. See how exciting my life is..!?!??
P.S. I did not find any1 to whom i could give that rose to. So i gave it to a 1 year old girl child and she gave it back to me....how exciting no..my first rose giving and my rose getting..!!??

In(the)difference.....
I did not care if he ever passed his exams. I did not care whether he came to the class. He was just one of those guys who u always miss to notice in a crowd. His opinions hardly mattered to me. Had been with him for more than 3 years and had hardly noticed him. The occasional hand shake, the infrequent drops to the nearest main road on my motorbike, scolding the pakis for defeating us in cricket. Our conversation was limited to such banal stuff which one does not remember nor needs to forget.
It took one game of amateurish football
One frugal goal scored by 2 amateur "footballers"....... one goal scored of 2 pairs of tired and bruised legs......one goal scored by a fluke pass....one goal scored by 2 people who hardly ever thought of each other's existence....
The celebrations....the hi-fi's.....the bear hugs......the smiles...... the congratulatory handshakes..... talking about that one goal which every1 forgot days after it was scored......
We still talk about banal stuff....we still scold paki's if they defeat us.... we still have those occasional handshakes....those infrequent drops i give him on my motorbike... i still don't remember the conversations i have with him.....but there are somethings i don't forget.... i see a twinkle in those eyes when he laughs now......and.....the handshake seems to last a tad bit longer.....

P.S. thanks to sushruth for the title.....(this was the smallest font size i got.....!! :P :P )

PRO-JEKT (for some reason i like 'K' more than 'C' )-3
Ok....for the first timer.....here are the prequels. This and This.
It had to happen. It had to.... We finally started the porjekt. Nothing surprising about it as every1 supposedly has. The only problem for us being....there is suddenly a new clause in the projekt.....we have to fabricate a new solar cooker. For a group of 4 highly enlightened, energetic, eccentric, enraged and endangered individuals who can only fabricate lies and half truths.....fabricating a solar cooker is proving to be quite a task. And to add all this.....the sun god isn't helping as well. Whenever it's sunny....we are gloomy...when ever we are sunny.....he is gloomy...... and oh...did i mention there already exists a cooker which we have to work on...!?? We have supposedly cooked rice, dal and potatoes in that cooker.(apparently everything was fed to the cows in front of the "institute").
For the curious, we are planning to build a PARABOLIC type cooker....(as a tribute to the projekt c0- guides stomach ...) We supposedly had an INTERACTION with german delegates on non-conventional energy.....(which lasted exactly 10 mins, and was quite without any energy and non-conventional....).and i am writing this on a day when we are supposed to be working on the projekt.........

The Thinker.
Still obsessed with pink floyd, gurucharan das and online quizzing.... He is the only guy who wants to finish off the projekt within the given time. He fails to see the sunny side of life and is suddenly obsessed with cooking up some completely un-answerable-questions-unless-googled on his quizzing website and I-want-to-conduct-a-quiz-in-college. His SHINE ON is the only thing which keeps the projekt going. Otherwise the projekt is D-E-A-D.

The Talker.
This guy is supposedly dieting and has no intention on thinking about the projekt because whenever he thinks of a cooker, it seems he has the urge to eat. In the course of his diet he has supposedly lost 4 kgs in 4 days and has lost an inch...(donno which part of his anatomy is he talking though). He has lost complete track of time and is some what dazed around men of his age. And yeah........he can never make it on time to work on the PROJEKT....he is DIETING u c...

The Smoker.
His ignited mind has been doused.......for reasons unknown to man. He cant walk a mere 200meters because he has pain in his leg, but can play football. He seems to be going through a phase of COLD TURKEY as he says he is cutting down on the cigarettes. Cold turkey or not.....he is now the chicken in the team, acts cocky, and has no intention of completing the projekt on time. Some1 should cut his feathers...some1 really should.


The FUC***
He still is like the most un-interested,un-involved person in the group. He still gives ideas and advice to other people on their projekts. He still hasn't got a job and is hopelessly jobless.He is again broke and has exactly 110rs in his purse this time. He is being forced, blackmailed and pushed into getting a hair cut and a shave. Still has no idea as to what he is gonna do after 4 months.....and has suddenly realised that the PROJEKT is as FUC*** up as he is....
And he still thinks why he doesn't get more than 10 comments on his blog...

P.S. can somebody give ideas so that the projekt can be completed on time..??
P.s.2 i donno whats wrong with the damn fonts....!!! swalpa adjust maadi..!!

Movie with the girls.
I was always a sucker for indian movie plots and bollywood 1 liners.always was. Those music videos where a boy and girl meet accidentally in a movie theater, those corner seats joke, those touching-touching of hands while popcorn-eating-from-the-same-packet stuff, i was a sucker for those...i really was, until i went to this only first part second time watchable movie with the girls.
As for the girls, they ranged from 31 to 4...with two 18year olds(who got us the tickets) in between. It being the matnee show and half of bengalooru jobless,(i went to a movie with the girls in bengalooru btw) most kannada anorexic girls and kannada sallu bhai boys were there.I made the most of this and grabbed the seat next to a anorexic girl in pink telling the other girls that it was too hot to sit at the other end.(after all, i turned 21 and am officially ready u c). And i was naive enough not to realise that the girls,(including the 4 year old girl) could read my intentions.FINE...i had nothing to hide...even my hormones have to flow somewhere....!!!
The movie starts. After sometime i realise that the 31yr old girl has placed her 4 yr old girl next to me...fine...i have no problem with that..i like that girl a lot....and i have watched the movie already once....fine.
now to the anorexic girl in pink next to me.Before that i have a question...Y DO ALL THEATERS IN BENGALOORU HAVE EXTRA LARGE SIZED SEATS....!??? i mean the seats are so big that the anorexic girl in pink could squat herself nicely and she did not feel the need to place her hands on the support....!!!!!
Ok fine,i get on with the movie...and then comes the interval...I think this is my moment...the anorexic girl has to go past me to go out somewhere....and then...the 4yr old girls says "nikhil anna...nanage hasive...kurkure thankodu..(nikhil,i am hungry..get me kurkure). Me being the model brother for every other person on earth excluding my own brother, i obediently get up and get her the packet of kurkure. And as soon as i come back, the movie begins. *sigh*
Being the decent boy i am, i sit quietly and continue to watch the movie.After 20mins the theater goes completely blank....i mean completely blank..including the screen.... I MEAN.... ASK FOR A BETTER CHANCE THAN THIS.....!! then all of a sudden the 4yr old girl comes into my arms saying..nikhil anna...hedarke aagthide..(nikhil,i am scared)... and....i watched the rest of the movie sitting 5 inches away from the anorexic girl in pink...!!

*i walk out of the theater and see the anorexic girl in pink and one sallu bhai boy drinking 1 tender coconut with 2 straws in it....talk about movies.....sigh..!!!*

One fine morning......
father- thindi saapidrya ..?? (will u have breakfast..? )
Me- Venda venda...kulchutu saapdre (no no, will have it after bath)
father- appo yella pannikudkurku aardille...yenaku office ku late aachi. (i cant wait till then, i am late for the office...)
Me-sari sari..naane pankure aapru.. (ok ok, i will only do it later)
father- varda dose pankuruku..?? (u know how to make dose..? )
Me-oh vardu ...yenna annidirke yennane..!?? (oh..i know!! what do u think i am..!?)
father-yenmaana panko po, naa vare.. (do what u want, me leaving)
Me-sari, tata..

After an hour, i call up mother who is not in town and has the not-in-town accent to her voice on the phone.
Me-hello amma, dose henge maadkollodu..?? (hello amma, how do i make dose..?? )
mother- (in her out-of-town accent) ashtu gothillva, thava kaayakke idu, ond 5 nimisha kaayi, aamele dose haaku. (donno that much also, keep the thava on the flame, wait for 5mins, and make the dose..)
Me-sari, haaki aadamele, yesht hottu bidabeeku?? (how long shud i wait after that.?? )
mother-ayioooooooo, noodko, dose yeddre aagide antha, golden brown colour irabeeku. (ayiiooooo, see if the dose gets up, it should be golden brown)
Me-ond dose ge yesht hittu haakabeeku..?? (how much dough shud i use for 1 dose..?? )
mother-neene nodkond haakappa.. (u only c and put man..!!)
Me-oh...ok ok...chutney illva..?? (ok ok, no chutney..?)
mother-(in her out-of-town accent) adella nanage gothilla, yeno maadkond thinnu...dose aaglilla andre noodles maadko...!! (i donno abt al that, if not dose, make noodles and eat..)
Me-noodles a..?? bellag belaage heng thinlli...?? chutney ilva..!!?? (noodles a..?? how do i eat it morning morning...?? no cutney..?? )
mother-(in her out-of-town accent, but a lil louder)-yesht sarthi helodu, chtney illa, yeenara adjust maadkond thinnu, bye.(how many times to tell no chutney, adjust and eat something..)
Me-thumba thanks, bye

and.....after 21 years of existence, i try to make my own breakfast, and try to digest it.
stage 1- keep the tava on the flame and wait for 5 mins. That is easy.

stage 2. pour the dough and wait for it to turn golden brown-ok..how brown is golden or how golden brown..?? Think of calling up mother again, but, the colour of the dose gets the better of me....... i put the dough on the tava, and make a sort of a circle.(After that i understood why i was thought free hand drawing in school).

stage3- insert the dose removal thing under the dose and wait for it to get up-ok, this was quite easy....but the problem is, the dose seems to get up only in a few places..*damn*

stage4-turn up the dose and put it on the tava once again-and i burn my fingers doing that.

stage5-put it on a plate, eat it with either chutney or adjust with whatever u have-and i had to adjust with whatevre-i-have (whatever that is..)

stage6-try, try and u will succeed.

The first one- (this proves y i almost flunked in machine drawing) the 2nd one-i tried, i really did
























see, see...i told u i was trying...i almost got a perfect circle..!!!! see.... see..!??
finally, i had to adjust with whatever-i-have...... :( :( :(

PS-i could only digest 2 of my own dose's..(one of them was too thick for my liking..)
PS2-never eat a dose without chutney....!!!

It was a crowded place, people were in a hurry, they were there to curb that one craving no one could control-hunger. He was waiting for his turn to get his rice plate and gobble it up as fast as he could. He hated eating that same rice everyday for the past 6 months. He hated everything about that place. He hated himself for going to the same place everyday and eating the same rice for the same 10 rupees he could afford. He was tired, he was confused, he was hungry.
It took him 5 minutes to get his rice plate and find a clean place to sit. He grunted in disgust. He knew he deserved more, he knew he was capable of more. He was waiting, he was waiting for something to happen not knowing what it was. But he was waiting.
And then she came, with her hair let loose, arm in arm with her male companion, her chin tilted, a smile that was suggestive of many things. She sat in the table in front of him while her male companion went to get the food.
He looked up, and their eyes met. He did not think much of her, he was more involved in trying to digest his food. Something in her eyes made him want to look at her again. She was still staring at him. He stopped eating for a minute. Neither of them blinked. He was confused, was curious, was hungry, was nervous. He kept staring at her, and she at him. It was as if she wanted to tell him something but he could not understand her language. Another minute passed before her male companion bought her her rice plate.
The next morsel he took was his most delicious ever....

My city, My town
21 years, a million moments, a few dreams, 1 man, 1 place-My city, My town-Mysore.

My city
*Where weekends consisted of sitting on the palace lawn, eating roasted groundnuts and waiting for the lights to go on exactly at 6.30
*Where you haggled with the local "villedele" (beetle leaf) lady on deveraja market so that u get a few more beetle leaves for the 1 rupee u paid.
*Where you accompanied your grand mother to deveraja market when she went shopping for raw mangoes, ginger and lemons to prepare the yearly "uppinakay" (pickle) only because she would get u your favorite "jeerige peppermint" (cumin seeds coated with sugar)
*Where diwali consisted of waiting for your father's friend to get loads of crackers for a few hundred rupees because he had put a 'chit' for crackers in his factory.Where you waited for your father's boss to give you bengali sweets from bombay tiffanies.
*Where you waited eagerly on the 5th of every month for the boy from the "nair" angadi(store) to get the monthly groceries to see if your mother has ordered that costly packet of "bour-bon" biscuit.
*Where you came back hungry from school and begged your mother to give you 6 rupees to buy a potato bun and a honey cake from that iyengaari bakery.
*Where every april or may you went to mannar's market to buy note books for school at wholesale prices and text books at landsdown building or aparna book house.
*Where summer holidays consisted of playing cricket from 10 in the morning to 7 in the evening.
*Where DASARA holidays consisted of going to flower show, the exhibition, and playing cricket from 10 in the morning to 7 in the evening.
*Where a trip to the chamundi hills was never complete without a masala dose, a single idly, 1 jamoon, 1 kesari bath and 1 cup of filter coffee.
*Where monthly copies of tinkle, archies or a copy of amar chitra katha was bought at geeta book house (if u could afford it) or waited for it to arrive at your local librarian.
*Where boys like me hated their mothers for forcing us to go yell beerufying at sankranthi because there was no girl in the house.
*Where jayciyana was a religion and you dreamed all your life to get into SJCE.
*Where your hero ranger was your most priced possession after that tennis ball and that light weight bat.
*Where having a computer a VCR and a colour tv with a cable connection at home made you the richest man in the street.
*Where cycling to chamundi hills during sundays was your biggest achievement.
*Where javagal srinath was a hero.
*Where hitting the road meant you went out somewhere.
*And where if someone asked you "which school are you studying in?" u said "St.Joeseph's............Central not state".

My town.
*Where weekends consist of waiting from 6.30 on the lawns on planet x eating defrosted french fries and waiting for your turn at the bowling alley.
*Where 'Reliance fresh' gives you beetle leaf 2 paise lesser that the villedele lady.
*Where you accompany your grand mother to a shop in deveraja market to get her monthly dose of medicines.
*Where diwali consists of exchanging bengali sweets from bombay tiffanies and not bursting crackers because you are suddenly "environment conscious"
*Where you buy wafers and biscuits over the counter at FAB-CITY.
*Where you come back from school and make MAGGI noodles.
*Where every april or may you go to ALPHA BOOK STORES to buy the prescribed note books and text books.
*Where summer holidays consist of playing play-station from 10 in the morning to 7 in the evening.
*Where DASARA holidays consist of going off to banglore.
*Where a trip to the chamundi hills is still never complete without a masala dose, a single idly, 1 jamoon, 1 kesari bath and 1 cup of filter coffee.
*Where you go to the local CD shop to get the monthly copy of Need for speed or NBA 2008 or GTA.
*Where boys like me still hat their mothers for forcing us to go yell beerufying at sankranthi because there is no girl in the house.
*Where jayciyana is still a religion but you get into a shit hole of a college which has uniforms and dress codes and where a FEST(pest) gets over at 7.30pm.
*Where the other guy's cycle has 3 more gears than your cycle.
*Where you are considered a retard if u dont have a mobile and a computer.
*Where only poor people cycle to chamundi hills. People like "us" go with our parents.
*Where javagal srinath is still a hero.
*Where hitting the road means you are going to that latest disco tech.
*And where if someone asks you "which school are you studying in?" u STILL say, "St.Joeseph's............Central not state".

DRIP DRIP.....

Thanks to NAMMA VTU..... i should write the HEAT AND MASS TRANSFER exam once again on god-knows-when day.....
Thanks to some very ENTER-PRICING (the damn paper was priced very high btw...) students of the university, the paper was leaked and the fools did it so openly that the university came to know about it...!!! Talk about MASS transfer....!! thanks to those fools, masses like me have to wait till god-knows-when to finish their exams when every other engineering student in all other different branches can party on. And to top it all, I...I did not get the paper...!!! (its a different story that i would have flunked anyways...that paper was supposedly very tough...but still.... people think i have contacts....!! :P) And to top it all, every other paper of every other branch was leaked (drip drip) and only our exam was canceled......!!!

P.S. cartoon mine only....what u ppls thought...huh..!??
P.S.2. dayavittu pray that the exam on god-knows-when day be easy and i pass...!!!!