The cynic never dies...

I thought crossing 3 oceans, living alone, learning how to cook, braving the rain, the cold and the bloody snow, going through the study drill once again will make a "man" for the better. A "man" for tomorrow's world. But alas! The cold makes me more colder, the boredom laughs at me and the silence just stares at me. It does not ask me any question, it just stares. The creaks of the springs of the bed, the grumbling in my stomach, the wind hitting the chimney, all tease me. I think they tease me for an answer. But I let it pass. After all, its me who they tease!!
I still laugh at people who storm facebook with "my first snow" or "washing clothes at 2:45 in the morning" or "i loved shopping with you so and so". I don't judge them yet. But I laugh.
I am the guy who still sings old and sad songs in antakshari.
Among strangers, I still look out for the odd guy or girl who I think might be doing a Phd and talk.
I am still at awe at the odd guy/girl who can talk about Groucho, kailasam, Buster keaton, Fedrico Fellicini and Brain lara in the same 5 minute conversation.
I am still the guy who stands in the corner of the bar trying to gaze at everything.
I am still the guy whose gaze moves from the ankle and then to the bust.
I am still the guy who shrugs.....who smiles.....and has a silent laugh....
Perhaps somewhere deep inside I do not want the Cynic to die, perhaps that's the reason I don't try too much to bury him!!
Not many people will understand the gibberish above...but the 3 or 4 people who will understand this will also smile...laugh...and nod their heads at the screen and think of this fool for a few seconds and go "this ass will never change will he..!??"

One month.
One month after my first flight.
One month in a new country.
One month of cold air on my face.
One month of continuous partying.
One month of pretty pretty pretty ladies.
One month of wondering how short skirts can keep the cold out.
One month of eating stupidity.
One month of meeting amazing people.
One month of skype.
One month of missing a lot of important people.
One month of nothingness.......
Oh...ive got a year more........

From Tonachikoppal to Thames.
From playing lagori to the lords, from exchanging lables/stamps/coins/ to exchanging currencies, from wearing a chaddi to full body thermals, from demanding another breakfast to eating apples and carrots.
The boy has crossed three seas and finally come to the land of rains and no sunshine.
He has come here to study. Hopefully he does. He does not know how to cook, how to clean and yet stay healthy and strong.
Hopefully the boy will learn. Not to cook or clean, but to stay healthy and strong.
And in the mean time, if any of you know how to do the other things without much effort and money, please to teach!
After all, Thames cannot be much different than tonachikoppal, aint it?!?

The feeling of feeling IMPORTANT

Ego is like a woman's duppatta. She wears it to boost hers, and the man thinks its to deflate
his.(this is original...mind it)
Ever gone in search for the opposite of "ego"? Seems it is "sacred self". Let me be your wren
and martin for this. "My ego does not allow me to tell her she is cute" viz a viz "my sacred
self will let her know she is cute". Understood?!

The reason I started off on a Oh-so-English explanation is this- Is feeling important more important than actually being important? Does making someone feel important in his/her's home/workplace/relationship more relevant than making him/her know his/her's worth?

That extra mention of a person's name at his work place more often, that extra long hand shake a girl gives you which you think is exclusive for you alone, that extra 5 minutes your manager spends with you, that extra helping you are offered at the free lunch, that sorry you are told when you are made to wait. Are all these ego boosters or humble
courtesy or plain fraud. Like she say's...fraud everything?!

I am typing this not because I suddenly felt important important or otherwise, Its only cause at
the high point of my carrier when i have got a xx% hike after working for 2 yrs, I am quitting. I am quitting to study once again.

Is being a "sacred self" akin to being content or being conceited?! If I had said "i don't care what my hike is, i know i worked well" would it be conceit or content!? If I said I work for challenges would it be sacred self or fraud?! If I said i dont care i just work for the money, what would that be?!
If I felt important, and still was not bothered about anything, would that be ego?!
Are content and sacred self just decorated bullshit to justify no motivation and not being a part
of the rat race!?
It might seem that I am asking all these questions at the wrong time, and I don't believe I shall get answers for these anytime soon, but I do believe that I am a fraud, an egoist,a sacred self and content!!!

S.L.O.W M.O.T.I.O.N
It suddenly becomes cold, you fall sick. By mistake you take an overdose of citrezen and you are delusional....you think the best thing to do is to get under that thick rajhai that suddenly feels warm like her arms and you get tucked under it.

You realize you are only delusional and not sleepy. Watching tv is bad. Reading is bad as well...but perhaps less badder. You pick up this book given by a equally delusional person.
I am not much of a book critic. I read cause I like to. You read some books, and some books take you through the reading at their own pace. You cannot skip thru the lines, nor pages, nor words.
With lines like

a walk on a lonley night, and a meeting with the spirts, of the botteled kind

or this

Dear old Dehra : I may stop loving you, but I wont’ stop loving the days I loved you

Ruskin Bond's description of flowers, the savoy bar, the hill side and the calls of the local birds makes even the sweat running through your body go in slow motion. The eye lids close much slower, the clock seems to stop and you never realize when the book ends.
Its books like these that one should give and get as presents. Its books like these, that one should have in their book shelf, and read it every now and then.

And then there was hair........
Growing up, my dream was to one day get a shave in a gillete and say "gillete...the best a man can get"...not because sachin said it while i was growing up...but it seemed elegant, it seemed royal, it seemed majestic.....the rub of that foam, that splash of that clear water, that after shave that you could smell even thru the tv, that sexy female in a neglige who rubs her face against the gillete man....all these seemed like a pipe dream once.

Growing up during the "development period", realizing this was not so tough.(after all the dollar rate is above 45 even today!!) Other than the female in the neglige', I have come to realize the gillete dream. And I also was dissapointed as to how easy it was to realize.

For people who have seen the ad, if you observe keenly, not a single ad in a single country had adolocent boys or even 20-23yr old males in them. All of them had men, everyday men, men of fame, men of power, they had your father, my father.
Its not difficult to own a gillete today, you can get it off your credit card. Hell.....you can even buy the neglige' and the female off it..!!

It seems, we grew up to early my friend.....or we assumed so. We never realized when we had to tick the next box in the check list someone gave us. We never realized at 24,that we have only 2 more years to "settle". We never realized that earning equates to getting older.We never realized girls of our age look at us differently now, or that the next question would be "what are you going to do next?". We never realized answering to that with a "i dont know" is immaturity and lacking vision.
One of my friends said "our lives were spent whistling at the wrong girl". My friend...we whistled too late......
Gillete does not make a man of you,nor does your monthly payslip.Neither does it allow you to be a boy....oh no sir, ....all it asks you is..."what are you gonna do next?.."

Why you should not use facebook too much......
This is what happens when naive girls use too much of facebook.....!!!
(please to click on the pic for a better view...this was a female asking for nail...!!)

Those little things....
The wonderful voice of a woman the holds a lot of promise, and who says thank you after you open the door for her in office...........
The help desk girl who says "have a nice day sir" before she keeps the phone down.....
The lingering smell of a woman's braids as she she standing besides you in the lift.
The smile when you light a stranger's smoke......
A personal email from a friend on your official inbox.....
Seeing another person on the floor who is just as frustrated as you are, and both understand that without a word being spoken.
These little things....is what keeps you going on a boring bloody friday afternoon.....

Tripping thru..
The body relaxes,the fists clench. It's as if i'm going thru rigor mortis. I shake.
I wake up.I look around. I lie down. I curl. I am in the fetal position again. I close my
eyes. I see people around me, i hear them. I want to get up, i want to run.
I fall, I fall deeper and deeper. I open my eyes. There are 2 me's. One that say all this
is an illusion. I am ok. The world is ok. I am fine. Its just that i've woken up suddenly
from a deep sleep. Some water on my face will fix things.
No...No...nothing is ok. the other me shouts out. I close my eyes again. I fall, I fall..
Its an abyss i see. Its not dark, its colourfull, the colours of fire. Its a triangle. Its closing
in, its closing in.....its hot...i am burning from the inside...i want out...i want out...
I can see those hands, i want to reach them, but i cant, i am falling, the triangle is closing in..
I open my eyes...This is not happening, i am fine, this is a dream....I am ok....i close
my eyes again.
I am walking thru a cloud...its just grey haze. I am walking....I am walking...I fall....
and then.... there was light...

What has the world around me come to, Part 2 (And perhaps the penultimate part)

Me- Thu...you are shameless....2 with you.
(dear readers, please to oblige, I am a kid most of the times)

A she-Hmm.....3 and 4 also with you.....!! :P :D

Me-Huh...what does that mean??is that a joke?

A she-Blink Blink?? Please think...

Me- Oh shit....!!

And it was the rubber girl who said the above lines.....how oxymoronic......!!!! Look what 1 year and me did to her...!!
Its disgusting to know people are getting smarter and you are loosing your aim....

Oh i digress....!!! I am planning to turn into a monk after this.....!!!

P.S. From the times of convent education till today's "international schools", ask any kid in India what "2 with you" means.

I loose my inhibitions, I loose my solitude,
With the wind in my hair and dust in my face,
In me a great concoction is brewed.

The grease, the pain, the oil the stain,
Where do I go, this cross, that main?
Oh thy road, be my abode,
let the showers of blessings on me be bestowed.
Fill up the tank, grease the chain,
I ride again into the rain, I ride again into the rain.....

Coastal karnatka on my yezdi did things to me.....The bad roads the good roads, the salt in the air, the girl who was oh-so fair....
After cancellations and deliberations, 7 fools finally decided to go on a trip to the coast and malnad regions of our wonderful state.
2 men on 2 bikes and 5 ladies in a car (by ladies i mean men who preffered a car to a bike) headed out to the coast, following each and every milepost.